Ayesha

that Knight!

2010-03-01T15:05:00.001+08:00

Jibbs.

Heh Heh.

Do not. take Allergies lightly.

2010-02-27T02:07:00.003+08:00

Hello Everyone. An awesome greetings from this girl who just woke up, after heavily sedated by sleeping drugs from the doctor's.
You should have imagined, then again, not. Because allergies aren't something funny to actually think about..its crazy...C-R-A-Z-Y....crazy.
Swollen lips, swollen eyes, the left eye was fucking crazy...swollen ears, and blue lips and mouth...grey fingertips and toes...crazy ya?..

And guess who call the ambulance.. ?
kalau tak kerana Encik Najib yang extended his love for me and all, a.k.a my "fiancé" at the hospital....Hmph!!...
orang kata blessings in disguise la...
When the hurricane shook the shit out of you, prince charming or knight in shining armour , came to the rescue unknowingly.
I missed work and school and darn ass rehearsal for Giselle...baahh!!!
I miss working on fridays with Red.
pfft...
But all's good...see you on sunday babygirl. Its the finals.

xX

It is better to be pissed off than pissed on.

2010-02-25T04:46:00.007+08:00

( When you think driving is fun, its a crazy challenge for me)

(Silly things we do when we get together after work and off days...)

( Sometimes, serious discussions are the best time to take pictures when you're unaware of the photographer snapping them.)

( its when we think pictures like this are cool but not at all.)

( only I think I look good.)

So I had them,loves asking me whats up with me and this mundane blog of mine with no new updates and new entree...

Well, I've been extremely busy and juggling many things at a time. And i still feel that my hard work are not being rewarded and appreciated especially when I think it should be.

First of all, I would like to apologise to any kind souls who have been giving me the ever-needed and endless support because you might have been caught up in a situation which you shouldn't be in.

I'm Sorry.

Life's been a crazy ride for me and I've been enjoying and not regretting every single good and bad shits of it.

Seriously..

but all's good. It's been fun and adventurous. I'm not crying because it's over, I'm smiling instead because it once happened.

Nothing to be embarrassed at all, for I only lived once and it'll be a lesson for me to learn and not to repeat the same shit all over again.

So you Fuckfaces who've been making my life miserable enough till it satisfy you, you can try again, I'll take you on. One on One?

Knn.

And so I shall begin writing the newest of the newest chapter of my detailed but boring life, which I assume many of you are pretty accustomed to its routine.

Exterminating MOFOS like some from my perfect little life but then again, credits to you for making it perfect because of all the imperfections you have staged.

Your stupid pretence and 'tried-hard-but-to-no-avail' little stories and lies,

Jangan bedek okay? or I'll screw the shit out of Some-boa-dee.....

Bloody Hell.

Other than that..all's well and I'm loving what it is today.I have since created a personal version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll "make" the door. And I've since come to believe that all my past failure and disappointments were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.

And losing what it is before was really difficult to live through it, but I believe winning is not everything, because winning is the ONLY thing.

Ever thought of slapping the shit out of yourself because you know that the littlest thing in life you can ever do is to make things happen for yourself when you're actually not doing it...???

Well, I just did. some nights ago, last night to be more specific than it is.

Was asking myself...

1. " okkaayy...so it didn't work out..why sulk?"

2. "you idiot, if you're gonna cry because of the most stupidest reason on earth, take the bucket and your tears can be used to wash your car."

You know, my pretty cute fingers are pretty tired and having this reaction and they'll say things like..."here we go again...!!!" every time I start typing in new ponderings in life for the newest entree.....

Shit.

super lame but factual. go figure.

when you meet me, I'll probably tell you the story rather than you reading off this page.

so, make a date with me. call me at (you know whats my number, if you don't, please don't ask around. because i don't think i want to even talk to you. BODOH.) -for reservations.

To you know who you are...i shall not list down the names of you ladies, I LOVE YOU.

see you real soon.......real soon.........

In demand of an update.

2009-12-29T05:15:00.002+08:00

Yes...
Finally.
About time for an update.
Everything has been perfectly fine for me.
With the presence of them,loves.
My family, and him..
Mr Mixologist have been the pillar of my happiness.
Yes, Life's been a bitch. rough but I'm living it. It's just one damned thing after another.
I'm not complaining. Instead, I find pleasure living through it with the loved ones I have.
Work has been awesome like usual, we play, we laugh, we work hard...That is what life is all about especially when you want what you yearn for.
Agree?

RomeoAlphaEcho already knew of my relationship with Mr Mixologist, why won't you give it a rest dear?
You've done enough to make me go through so much learning what 'loving a man' is all about. And I have sinced promise myself to love him just as much as how I love myself and nothing is gonna change any of that!
I am going to smother him with that much love for he deserves it.
What say you now ay?
*pfft*

suddenly, I thought of Bart.
You're such an ass Buddy.
I miss you, yes I do, but Its just not possible.
You know that. And I let you go.
Your silence was enough to confirm it all.

Okay, da sudah..
Emangnya gw gak diberi uang tau, omong-ngomong kayak gini!..
Pada temen-temen yang disayangi...
soalnya aq uda meet your demand for an update, apa lagi yang you all you all nak?..
jangan mintak-mintak boleh?.
Tahu la You all you all ni, bagai kan belanda minta tanah!
WoW! AmAzINg!
Aishah is actually using peribahasa amidst her post after all the other post that I have posted!
Cikgu Roz or Cikgu Dagu must actually be proud of me for certain reason.
Yes, I am gaining those unwanted fats and I am shedding it all away!
Just fucking wait and see you skinny ass people.
Yang penting, maintain that ass girl!
wah....okok, Stop pat sini ok?

speak to you soon...

I Love My People.

2009-12-07T07:33:00.004+08:00

(Fida and I)

(Niz and I.)

(Red and I.)

(Dee and I.)

(Left to Right: Me, Dee, Fida.)

(My man And I.)

Dear God, they were once gone.

And I believe it when you make things happen or a reason.

People come and go, But they are always replaced with better ones.

That Blardy Jerk.

2009-12-03T05:42:00.002+08:00

That Blardy jerk said that I should get some of what he said into my fucking thick skulls, but he didnt mention brains, its just to bad that my skull is fucking thick enough to defend what he told me so.

Get a fucking life you freak, favours and helps are two fucking different things and I'm sorry that you're not able to tell the difference but it'll be a great pleasure to help you understand.
Im not plain dumb or fucking stupid like what you claim but at least I was way smart to leave you because I know, its already pathetic enough to 'so-called' be there for you during your lowest point in life. I fucking wasted my time, you know.

Kanina You.

Before you start reprimanding me about anything, at least be there for those who really need you.
Screw you for screwing things up and don't push it to anyone else.
They probably acknowledge their mistakes and repent way before you even realise it.
Pathetic Fuckhole.

I have to discipline myself and hold back reactions to people now, and its all because of you, I became verbally abusive, I defend and protect myself from good human beings for I once had this mindsets, they're just like you.
I have since snapped out of it fast, I noticed MY PRINCE CHARMING. I know he wont hurt me like you did.
I know he wont.
You can go fuck those 'spiders' for all I fucking care.

Thank You.
Regards,
Nur.

Smile. That's the basic.

2009-11-23T03:41:00.002+08:00

Esplanadé Mall, 7ate9, flare, smile, Stella Artois, Cigarettes, Girlfriend whom I lost since I was 14.

Work, cigarettes, Booze, Cuba Libré, Strawberry Mojito, Bachata, Merengue.

Booze, No food, Liquid Diet.

That's the schedule for the past few days, close to a week.
Been neglecting facebook and Cuppy.
Morning shifts, cold mornings at work, scrubbing the bar squeaky clean-not quite.
late suppers, coffee, water.
a whole lot more of faggs.

I've not been working with BabyGirl for almost a week now, tried to find some time delaying my time at work before going back home just so I can chit-chat with her and stuffs.
Red, Miss ya...
Above all, all's well.

Except that some days ago, I fucked that old hag up because she got on my effing nerves.
God Damn Her.

Yes Ryan, I miss you.
A good bunch of buddies came along.
how awesome can that be.
Qeesy, I still cannot read your effing blog love.
my email is nuraishahmohd@yahoo.co.uk
did you get it right?

grrr....internship is over but I'm still at the bar.
the internship sucks, but being at the bar is awesome.
some little disagreements and quarrels between two great colleagues at work and it sparked off becoming something really uncool when you're stucked in between them and the boss.

whatever it is. still sayang km dua.
Niz Hunn, thank you for coming back into my effing life.
wish I didn't had to fly back then, I threw you away.
Fuck me.
I know.
Zouk's on me?
Love ya Bitch.

Qué Pasa Amigo?

2009-11-04T05:44:00.005+08:00

Okay, here's the thing.
I have put on at least 1. just 1 fucking kilogram over the past 2 months, and I am furiously mad about it.
Not funny.
From 46kg to a fucking 47kg!
That is soooo not cool.
And how the fuck am I suppose to do that stupid triple pirouette with a plié and end in a Fifth Position?.
I'd feel effing heavy and fat.
Not cool.
Seriously.
Not cool.

Then again, just wait, I'll make sure at least 3-4Kg of unwanted excess fat in me burns off in a month,
Just fucking wait you skinny people.
Ouh, but the ribs are still there. =)
Other than that, I miss you alot alot chicken little.
Thanks for dropping by Sg and yes, alas, caught you Kantoi, yourself, watching and oogling at this, yes I shall not lie, ubber hot, handsome, charming, gay-looking french man with a huge-ass bouquet of hot red roses walking down the streets of Orchard Road on a scorching hot Monday afternoon, (before it rained)
Mooky will kill me for this.
Yes, semalam I call you, you tak answer.
Sampai KL flat ke?

thanks for 'Hoppy'
she's amazing.

And to tjose who's just been busy trying to find out how I've been, well, I'd be lying if I say I'm perfectly fine.
Nevertheless, Mammogram's coming up soon.
Wish me luck.

Good Morning World.

2009-10-28T05:32:00.002+08:00

I wish You well dear readers.
I suppose its been about 2 weeks since I last posted an entree, with my daily rants or shall I say,
those rants that you seldom read about.
Urgh..Those lengthy rants I must say.
A simple update with regards to the daily activities and unexpected events that I have been extremely calm about.

Work's been good and awesome, tires me out like a bitch till the end of the day, mentally congested with figures and concoctions and God knows what else.
Conked out once I hit the sack, deliberately at that.
Boozing for the past few weeks apparently, there's this thing about " I need a beer after work" kinda thing and its been tewwibly awesome=)

Puked out a bucket of liquid the other time I got a little sick with Tequilas and other shit loads of bombers and shots.
some stupidly delicious lamborg thing I had. pints after pints, bottles after bottles.
I'm not proud of it.
seriously.

And then the eating habit changed.
solidified diets are out of the whole agenda or itinerary for the whole day.
Just liquid.
Lots of water, soybean, green tea, coffee, beer and of course, how else to start my glorious day without a fagg?
The belly began to form, but vanish soon after visits, frequent visits to the lavatory.

Some fuckhole have been conveying little stories about how this unwanted being envy me.
This monkey have been saying how jealous 'It' is with regards to my life, even if its about my hair.
How could you?
And then you go around telling my best friend that I've got that body any men could die for because you're lacking of the assets?
what more shit loads of crap can you come up with?
You hate me, that's what you told him, sad enough, he told you off after you told him you think you're in love with him.
Kasihan dweh loe. Emangnya motif loe apa sih?
You didn't like my presence, and you told him that I'm a threat? - because I'm there.
Emangnya kenapa yach?
When I first met you, You told me straight into my face..
"You're so nice, no wonder they love you so much."
Nah...tapik loe ceritanya yang lain sm temen-temen gw. loe tuch baik orangnya cuman kayak insecure karna kekurangan loe? Emangnya apa dong?

Never mind. I'm happy for you.
soalnya, aq tau loe admire sm aq.
makes me feel important and unique.
(Gosh I'm in awe.)

Trus, ada cerita tntg an 'Old Hag' yg ga' sedar diri.
Living in denial thinking a young not quite too old man is in love with her.
You're fucking old enough to be my grandmother.
feign tears and cries, buying sympathy from other people saying you have been allegedly accused of doing something you didnt fucking do??
I'm sorry to say this, our suspicions have been justified and after long hours of putting it all into picture, we all know its You.
dasar kanina loe!

You're 62 years old and you're behaving like you think you're some hot 30 year old MILF?
you disgust me.
Hag.
to think you post pictures of me and my Boss on the night at Double 'O' with many other people to his wife, creating a senario that her husband is womanising or something.
Sedar dong diri loe!!
anjing.
And then you call up his wife asking when their kids can go on a holiday and that you'll pay for it all, then start calling other people telling how pissed and jealous you are when the husband and wife bathe together?
And you threat other people with your stupid black magic thing you can do and the best part is you kept asking me how long will my mother be alive?
What the fuck are you thinking you stinking old whore?!

iya, uda. Aq kok marah-marah trus?
emangnya dia tu mau mati kek, apa kek, bukan urusan gw, tapik last warning bwat loe, Get the fuck away from my personal life and that man's mariage.
He's happily married to his beautiful wife and he is proud of the family he build out of the marriage. And if were you, I'd check myself in the mental institute and just wait for death.
At least I don't bother other people except the nurses.
Perawat juga bisa gila sm orang gila kayak loe!!

Poor my boss, he's just here to make a decent living for his family and his personal life, but there are people like this God Darn MOFO who'll do anything to take away his happiness.

Today is another day.
Another working day, another boozing day.
Dad.
Please come home soon.
I love you.

Readers, sampek ketemu lagik.
bwat sementara waktu, aq ga bisa dong post entree baru karna daily activities and events are taking too much of an ounce of my energy.
maaf'in gw dweh..

XxXx

2009-10-14T06:37:00.003+08:00

Pictures are taken with My cute old Sony Ericsson, with missing buttons but its still working in a great condition!

Okay okay..

Happy Birthday To Me..

Mama, many Happy Returns,

I love you Ma.

XxXxXxXx Kisses xXxXxXxXx

Feel My Effing Truck Bombs Baby!!

2009-10-13T04:25:00.002+08:00

First of all,
I would like to extend heartfelt gratitude to the ever-loving Loves I have ever loved,
Bazly, Kojek, My Beyoncé - for that awesome little surprise which moved me to tears.
Although we met up pretty late and it was a last minute decision to have the celebration over at Marina Barrage, amidst the other plans we had, at the stroke of midnight, I love every single second and moments of it.
The impromptu cake smothered with chocolate syrup and all the ice-creams and chocolate cookies and all, except the part when you actually "killed" me instantly with DURIANS.
Fuck I hate it.
Above it all, everything was perfect!

Ummi and Abi,
My awesome brother and sisters,
for the family dinner we had over at Seoul Garden which made me reek of smoke and food.
Nevertheless,
Ummi, for the cake and all of the well-wishes and of course, what was more important, the presence and companion!
I love you many many, alot alot!
NanaKo, Ein and Afeez, for the coolest companion ever, but nothing beats the fact that 'The Awesome Me' made ya'll laugh like there's no tomorrow.
Puffer Fish, for the birthday breakfast. I Miss You.

BabyGirl, Apai, YenFu, Elvin, Chéfs @ Man Utd Café Bar
You went to the extend of actually rushing me down to the bar just to celebrate my birthday!?
My gratitude's beyond descriptive words, and 'Thank You' may be easy to recite, but it lives in my heart.
BabyGirl, I love what you gave me, you said it was small, but its a big shit for me!
Thank You oh So much!!

IrwanShah, Thank You, for waiting long hours to give me the sweetest gift..
hahaha....it was pretty funny knowing the fact that you actually waited long hours just to give it to me personally.
You're not even my boyfriend!..
You're so sweet though. Effing sweet!
hahhah...=)

Of Course...
To the rest that I fell in love with, (Lets see if I can remember who-Rafi,Bowey,Yasin,Iliyas, NaddyBaby, Pel, Those On Face Book,You, For all the wishes and many happy returns...
Prayers, and gifts.
Everything.
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________

Apparently, I wont be able to list the nitty-gritty details of Mr-You-Know-Who.
Though I wish to fucking slap you hard in the head and tell you
" You should have said so earlier! You Moron. "
Blardy hell, you wasted my fucking effort and time!
God Damn You. You asshole. I actually ditched someone else's feelings for you!!??
(But he's still right there waiting for me....)
But, I don't quite know why I should stay mad at you,
just because of what you fucking did.
Instead of being mad at you, I'd rather be printing posters which will bear these prints,

" I am Single and I Don't Need One yet. "

Then again, its not what I really want,
because Anne says,
I must give myself a chance to fall in love, at least.
And give others a chance to love me.
buset dweh gw! Dasar anak kanina lho!
You've been great. Thanks for the memories.

Okay, I am not going to continue this post with much angst and vengeance.
I am not like that.
It was just something you didn't let me know, But I appreciate your honesty and bravery to at least respond to me when I told you to 'BE A MAN'
Okay!!
that's about it.
Let The photographs talk.

These Pictures Shall Talk.

2009-10-02T04:23:00.010+08:00

Apparently, due to recent activities that I have engaged myself in has moulded The Awesome Me into a lazy and an obnoxious princess.
(Serius. bener dweh.)
I would usually blog about one fine day so much so, it can be compiled into a novel. Or even used as a script for a short-film kind of thing.
I would love to spend some time penning my thoughts and sharing with you about a day's event but these lazy little fingers which has not been lazy enough to reply texts from Mr-You-Know-Who , don't want to type out a long lengthy entree.
(I apologies pertaining Mr-You-Know-Who...I have yet to tell you who he is...But I will. so stay tuned.)
Work's been good I must say. This Industrial Attachment Programme that I'm going through is just like normal work routine. Mundane, But Enjoying every single day at work with BabyGirl and Apai and them,others.
After a day of slogging like a Wimp, party hard at Zouk and yes, not being able to join Apai and Babygirl at Butter Fac. How Awesome can that be??!?!?!?!
but its all good, I enjoyed the companion of My Man and his coolest buddies ever that adds on to the "rocks my socks" kind of thing.
You get what I'm tryna say?
Hopefully....~
I shall not go on further, I have since slap myself with body butter from Johnson's and Johnson's and Brands Innershine needs to work!
Another full day at work tomorrow, Manchester United VS Sunderland at 1215am. only mad mofo's come at that time to catch a stupid live game.
To add on to this, it seems like my brains are connected to the fingers which I then realised that I'm typing aimlessly,punching the keyboard. Unaware of the contents of this entree. And if you doo spot an error, just keep it to yourself and tell yourself...
"Ayesha is tired, you Moron!"
Off day on a Sunday, and back to work on Monday.
Emangnya keren dong!! But I love my Job!
Love ya babygirl. Love ya Khairil...

XxXxX

KISSES...~~~

Another Bad Sunday!

2009-09-28T04:24:00.002+08:00

Please excuse my language and words used in this blog entree for I am aware that this usually happen when You are acting in a moment of folly.
Especially when it comes to being angry and the only thing you would wish for is your boss gets hit by a friggin' lorry while he cycles home.

Before I escalate my concern pertaining an event that happened today to be more wary and aware of the surroundings. And of course, Not to respond to people who don't talk to you.
This will be a very lengthy entree and you decide if you wish to stay on reading this post if not, you can close this page.

Today at work, I had a pretty bad argument with a customer.
He was an Um-Ricken.
Pathetic.
He happened to verbally abused me and offended me by saying...
" All you local girls here should get fucked by me then you'll know who's Boss."
It all started with a friendly conversation with this bastard's friend with regards to the bar's promotions. While at it, this bastard ordered a diet coke while his friends ordered 2 pints of San Miguel. In the middle of my conversation or shall I say...explanation, he shouted..
" shut the fuck-up you Asian whore and get my fucking coke! I am paying for my drink and I'm tipping you! "
Then his friend said.."I am talking to her, and why the fuck you call her that?!"
And I said, "I'll get your fucking coke you fuck-face."
He then stood up and walked towards the guy who I have lost my respect to, and said..
"She has a problem with me."
And I said, "Fuck You, you dick-head!"

While this guy who's ''my big-boss's good friend that's why he can do whatever he likes which he thinks his dad's the shareholder of the bar'' tried to hold me back in prevention that (I swear to God) my ballet feet can reach up to this bastard's face.

What really bothers me was on 2 notes;
1. that fuck'ed up manager of mine didn't defend me in a way or another, instead he pacified that bastard.
2. That fucking white dude just offend me and Asian girls??
I only said this.."Oi, with regards to Asian girls, you're in their region. Go figure."

Bet he's lucky that not many Asian girls heard it I suppose.
Only this regular customer pulled me and asked if I was alright and prevented me from breaking down which apparently I did in the bathroom. I was furiously mad and I just wished that I had that power to get rid of him.
Good Riddance! Moments later, after drying up wasted tears in the toilet, That bastard's friend pulled me when I brushed against him while walking towards the bar.
"I'm sorry. "
Unfortunately, apologies don't come easy for me and whats the point of apologising when you did nothing wrong. that bastard was at fault. Ironically.
I guess some Asian girls blew him out that's why the "Asian Whore"

Taking it a little easier after deep breathings, I didn't talk much, slammed things around and make sure that no one talks to me, I cannot stand it.
After work, That fucked' up manager of mine spoke to me...and we ended up exchanging vulgarities and God Darn Him. I wish I could smash that friggin hoegaarden pint that I was drinking right into his face. Fuck hole.
Manager? You're just a piece of trash to me who thinks you know so much but I was taking it cool because I know what went down is definitely going up!
Such a small person with big attitude huh?..

Then again, why was I bothering myself at that point of time to entertain that fucking fuckhole. I wasn't even being paid for it.
Exchanging vulgarities and raising of voices in front of your colleagues and displaying act of disrespect towards a senior, was wasting every joules of energy and effort in trying to make a stubborn old man listen to what you have to say. he didnt even understand the situation let alone defending me, which he accused me and point out my so-called faults in the act of defending my kind.
I dont get it,
pacify the customer when he offended you?..by doing what?..a blowjob?
Shit....

Today, something happened. In fact, something good.
I'm all smiles, all tears. Now I know what it means by the saying.."sunshine after the rain"
This is indeed rosy and beautiful. Something shitty happened at work, then something beautiful came along.
"I'm In Euphoria!"
He asked me.."Be my baby..???"

XxXXxXx

2009-09-27T03:10:00.003+08:00

A picture of me and yan and mia..

Well, I have some new things to share. There have been many little changes and stuffs,

I think my socks are being rocked.

I do not wish to be specific and take a longer time to actually pen my thoughts on this being, yes, he difinitely rocked my socks!

(bener dweh!)

Okay, today was a usual working day, match night to be exact and surprisingly, its not that busy like the other match nights. How un-cool can that be...?

And yes, I struggled this afternoon the moment I punched in my log-card, preparing the bar, opening the outlet and setting the tables...and while in the midst of doing it, customers came pouring in. Wow.

So, I had to say, "come on in sir.." and got truckloads of tips. Awesome or what?

I miss you Anne, My babygirl Red, Ayeen and You, 'Beyonce'

You girls came racing through my mind and I suppose I have something to tell you Anne.

Something which the Toothfairy has granted me in exchange of my tooth. (Tp gigi gw lagi okey dweh.)

Hah... That bartender rocks my ballet stokings la!..

Unbelieveable but I'm believing it.

While I am half naked,uploading the ''I knw its not that interesting but at least there's something to read about" entree, and drinking Neslo Ice, and smoking away after having a bottle of Pure Blonde Pussy beer (which tasted like soda water from the effing bar-gun), Hunger striked me and I was craving many many things about an hour ago.

All's good now, and to acknowledge the fact that I am unsure of what the contents are in this entree, because I found myself dozing off.
And because things are pretty new, that bartender said this on his facebook profile, "Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life. So, why not get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!"

I'd agree..because things wont change if you make the changes. Live it!!

Esok, gw kerja, jam 6 smp tutup warung bir gw!

Busett tau?

Hey Anne, Emangnya bener dong kalo sesuatu perubahan itu bisa menjadikan hidup seseorg indah?

kan km pernah britau sm aq.

buat masa skrg bis aindah dong...trus hari yang akan datang..gmana?

Bonne'Nuit.

Good Night.

Eid'09 - a little of today.

2009-09-21T05:00:00.003+08:00

Met Lebaran bwt semua umat islam dan temen-temen gw. maaf lahir batin. minal aidil walfaizin

Kalo ada salah silapnya, terkasar bahasa harap maafkan dweh. Halalkan makan minum selama kita berkenalan ya?

Okay, hari pertama was alright, then something happened which I'm not going to share with ya'll, which then I was not able to be at work. Instead, I'll tell you what was the itinerary.

First of all, the night before, I went to Geylang Serai to complete last minute things and aduh!..emangnya ga' ada yang mau pulang yach? udah jam 3pagi masih ada lagik kok org dateng! gmana sih?? And so, After Ahmed, Ayeen and Aidil went home, Bumped into Aundi and continued the journey of ''pain and suffering" through Geylang Serai with Lela, Kojek and Bart and ended up being home at about 5 in the morning. Afterwhich, accompanied Bart to Johore Bahru tp have the car petrol filled and bought cigarettes. Sweeeet.......!! Managed to be home by 0700hours and slept all the way till mum woke me up calling me 'pumpkin'.

The first house for the day was of course, nobody else's - Grams. A whole lot of ngobrol-ngobrol and makan. Photo-taking and nangis-nangis..(ngerti ga' nangis-nangis tu apa-apa'an?) Then we all got mixed up in the cars and proceeded to rumah-rumah seniority yg lain. Surprisingly, this little brat here still gets duit raya. hahHAha!! Seriously, There was this moment of embarassment amidst the silence when I got it, but then it all broke out into big laughters. Arse you people. Gw nih ibaratkan anak kecil loe tau ngga'??! But this year's eid is a little way out of the league. mau tau kenapa? karna Gw single tauk? Ga' ada pacaran dweh...gmana nih!! shiapa-shiapa yang bisa met criteria gw, cptn bls dong di tagboard! haHa...don't even think about it you asses.. I may be Single but I'm Unavailable. (Stick with it.)

Tomorrow, which means today if you were to notice the time and date, I'm off to Johore Bahru to visit Mum's uncle, and then more visiting sprees. From East to the west of Singapore, Northern part, and then the Southern part of this little islan which is considered big!

What the Fuck..

Then I shall upload more pictures on facebook and blog about the day. Speak to You Soon.

XxXx

Adapting.

2009-09-15T04:10:00.003+08:00

Hello. Again.
I have a new entree today and apparently a friend told me that my posts are too lengthy but I love doing it. so why not take your time reading it. (-_-)
Today's entree is pertaining envy and jealousy but I shall live in denial and overwrite it as admire and aspire. Or even inspire.
You decide.
Then again, Its not as interesting. I didn't enjoy posting this up but I suppose I had to do something.
Ma'Kasih lho kalo bisa ambil waktu, reading this post of mine. Gw janji dong, the next post will be more interesting than today's. Aduh...

While I am sitting in front of my PC, smoking and drinking Neslo, I accepted few friends on facebook which happens to be my former secondary school friends.
I was browsing through their photographs and found myself in the midst of cold and stale air, engulfed with loneliness and an unexplained feelings.
Don't ask me why. But seriously, I went like..."aawwweee....what the hell??"

A couple of them are engaged. One is married with kids. One has a kid. All of them have boyfriends.
Get the picture?
I am literally laughing my ass out loud at this point of time not because of their happiness, but because I feel shitty.
On one note which I went.."I don't even have a boyfriend." On another note which I went.." How I envy them.."
But I once told myself, why be envious of other people when I actually have enough for other people to be envious of. nothing is missing.
(Emangnya lg living in denial lho.)
Back then, we were all young, naive and unknown of what lies ahead. Now, years after graduating from high school with all the changes left me in awe.

They have since inspired me not to be engaged in any sort of serious relationship that will be tying me down and restricting me from my dreams (unless he's that.."go for it, baby!" kind of boyfriend.)
Earlier today, a girlfriend was telling me -The good men are taken by the wrong girls. And the wrong kind of men were once taken by me thus, my prayers to steer clear from men like such is still ongoing. (Bener dan gw serius!)

Alhamdulilah. I manage to get the things I needed to buy for this festive season which I am not quite looking forward to. But I am accepting the fact and adapting to vast changes like unexpected things and situation stuffs like that. I told myself, never use sudden changes or the existence of other people as a rebound but use it as an experience. Because I will never know if this experience will make a positive impact in my life. I don't want to end up missing it. Know what I'm saying?
Till then, the first day of Eid, I have to report back at the bar, I'm on duty for the match on 20Th September 2030hours. God Darn It!
Its okay though. The extra income earned is worth one house visit with a lot of Tante-tante girang that will go.."aduh, kapan nih mau Kawin?" or even.." cantik banget lho, udah ada pancaran nya belum?"
Buset aq.

Speaking of which, last night I made a little trip down to Geylang Serai with 2 buddies who watched out for me amongst the crowd and helped a friend find his kain samping which matches his baju kurung. It is not easy. To think I though the ladies would be more fussy than the men, I have proven myself wrong. We kept arguing of which one suits nicer and stuffs like that.
Geeez...
Bumped into many friends, some of those whom I 'threw away' back then, some of those whom I don not even remembered their names. Some of those I knew since I was little. Wow. I didn't know the world outside is much more fun than just living with yourself. somehow...

" I saw you with your new girl. See that you're doing good. I'm happy for you. I hope she flabbergast you more than I did. She had no make-up on, bet she did.
I bet she did.."

Xx

What in the name of my "pay"?!

2009-09-08T03:31:00.005+08:00

The Shopping List Mother Has Set in For Me.

Kuih Raya.* (she asked for JB-made kuih raya and I went like..."Mak Ai..jaoh nah, siapa nak bawak pergi sana? Then the puppy-face.)
Bottled Drinks.* (I was thinking of getting grenadine syrup and sprite to make Shandy for unexpected guests who will come by for a visit.Whatever. kau fikir ni Man'U' bar? Still, Duit Raya jangan lupa ay!)
floor mats.* (IKEA!!!!!!! The floor mats for the kitchen, bathroom, entrance and exits. -understand?)
Febreeze. ( This is mine, because I like the silky slippery feeling on carpets and the blinds at home. Besides, its infested with Germs. Febreeze will do the work.)
Air-Deodoriser. (mine too. same reason as the above. Lagipun, this household consist of 4 heavy smokers.)
MY HAIR.MY NAILS. (Definitely mine. I am serious.)
A new wedge. ( course its mine!)
Cushion Covers.* (Mum's..I am getting it at Ikea, my favourite shopping place ever.)
table runners.* (she wanted it from Geylang Serai. Then I went .."Lupe ker?" I am claustrophobic remember??? But I'll try. course I will.)
kotex/pantyliner/Feminine Wash. (This is a daily thing! Hello...Hygiene purposes you know. I am a woman! Not like some. I am a very expensive person. Mind You.)
a cheap ass TV. for my room (I so need one. My TV programmes often clashes with theirs. )
mum and dad's allowance ***(MY responsibility!)

This is what has been set in for the moment. I am praying that this is it. I am biting my nails with regards to this anxiety feeling that has engulfed me unexpectedly. I suddenly become so so scared. OK. More updates I suppose. Soon.

xxx

Cigarettes. My love.

2009-09-08T02:24:00.003+08:00

I have been feeding myself with huge amount of nicotine daily and its not funny.
Binge eating on vanilla ice-cream and drinking a whole lot of green tea and water. And smoking.
Food did not cross my mind. As long as cigarettes are available.
Shit...very disturbing though.
However, I presume that this ongoing activities of mine is not affecting any losers out there who will go around telling people Ayesha is sick. Well, I don't need you to decide.
I am preparing myself for payday, a couple of debts to clear for the carton of faggs I have ordered, apparently finish smoking them all. And also to the kind soul who decided to help me out with a $5 note to keep me going(You are so sweet baby-brother), and also someone I am indebted to with regards to Transfer Factor and also Mum and Dad's monthly allowance. And a long list of things I must get before Hari Raya which I am not expecting. Gawd..this is driving me insane. Literally.
I am not being calculative but it seems that their existence is like a reminder to me that
"hey, I'm still here so please don't forget."
Believe it or not, I am very happy with what I will be getting on the 8Th of September. Then I will shut my phone off and make sure no one goes around looking for me. (Hahah...aku tahu motive korang.)
and also... Happy Birthday Ahmad!
A tad too late but many happy returns brother!

I have been feeling kind of disturbed lately pertaining many things and I shall not list the examples. I will just keep going and if you think you get the gist of it, good for you. If not, read again.
Mummy has been rather silent lately and she just wouldn't wanna talk to any of us. She just goes around smashing and slamming things and I will be the one who'll start yelling. My patience has been tested and I am controlling myself because anger will change the heart, I don't want to have the thought of moving out and stay with Stan, for I know this beautiful house of mine will not be cleaned. (Aku ni ibaratkan filipino maid.)
They take advantage of my obsessive-compulsive-ness. They know I will clean the house everyday and ensure not a strand of hair or even dust on the floor. Ask them at home and you'll know.
I have been picking up pieces where I've left them and then suddenly someone, no, a couple of them came along.
Its not been easy going through a very difficult status back then because I can count the "no-quarrel" days with only one hand.
And I do not wish to go through it again. Like I've said before, I am still making corrections about the mistake I did. Then again, nothing is perfect thats why we must learn to love imperfect things perfectly.
It was character that got me out of bed, commitment that moved me into action, and discipline that enabled me to follow through. I am here today where my past have brought me. Believe it or not. It wasn't a fun thing.
Then again, Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is to raise your standards. When people ask me what really changed my life, I tell them that absolutely the most important thing was changing what I demanded of myself. I wrote down all the things I would no longer accept in my life, all the things I would no longer tolerate, and all the things that I aspired to becoming.
And I am still doing it.
I would agree with what Bruce Lee said..
"If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them"
Don't you?
Because its just is.
If I was going to put a limit to being happy, working at the bar, going for ballet classes and even being present for school(even if it meant sitting for exam modules which I didn't study for.) wont be a happy trip! It'll be the worse days of my life!
If I was going to put a limit to live, I will be missing out ALOT in life! Don't you think so?
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
In layman's term...The greatest insanity in life is doing the same thing everyday hoping it will make a difference.
(Orang melayu cakap, bila mau game beb!)
But...I am happy being at ballet and being at the bar, I hate sitting behind the desk rotting. Being at the bar makes me meet many new people everyday. Being at ballet, makes me learn new routines that will make other people go.."WHOA!" hahah..it will change my life, trust me.~
Okay. Enough.
Get the picture? I hope so. You people are educated, You're able to read.
This may not be an interesting entree to some like (ya'll know who ya'll are.) but at least read and understand the question that goes..."What The Fuck Have You Been Doing?"
(Hahaha...I am so mean.)
Before I end this pondering of mine...PAYDAY IS HERE!
woot!!woot!!
I am proud of me.

Xx

3 Pictures and a post.

2009-09-01T14:11:00.008+08:00

I snapped some pictures after work with Red after supper. Ouh, That's Molly.

__________________________________________________________________

I woke up today crying.

I just had to do it.I'm sorry but I personally cannot accept the fact that you are the most disgusting person in the world.

To think I could actually brag about you and bring you up to the skies.
You only knew me for a mere 9 months and you can go around sharing all those nitty-gritty things I shared with you to others.

Oh wait, to be exact, to him. An 'Old Friend' I knew a year ago.

You both really hit off well huh?

Good for you.

And its literally sad enough he actually ask a young girl like you who barely know me?

How Pathetic

I have finally realised that simplicity in life like that can actually make you cry and be angry about it.

Practising what I preach, not like some others,

"Time is constant.It never waits for you.

Keep going because you never know what you're missing out.

But do pause and take a look at it again, take those little lessons you can find from what happen.

And make sure it doesn't happen again."

Because that is exactly what I'm doing.

I don't like wasting time.

Wasting my time on girls like you.Like I've said, thank you for being envious of my life.
That was why you had to start it? Am I right?

I wonder. If it thrills you? And I don't pay you to actually publicise the way I live my life and no one even ask you to do that.

And Again. Ayesha will say this.

FUCK YOU.

You hate me.

Thats right.

You hate me and my existence because I am a threat.

( Now I feel better.)

If I was that bad enough, I'd swear your life will be as miserable as me when I was there, your age, your time, your era.Better be proud of it.

Instead of being there to explain things to a sick-in-the-brain brutha who cannot seem to understand that he is the problem, You chose to talk about my life, my family, my flaws to someone who thinks he already knew so much.

(No wonder Mama says that I let out too much.)

Instead of being there for Mother because your father is rotting behind bars, You chose to spare that valuable time to simply share all those things we shared about. Lucky you I am not like you.

See,at least I have the balls to give you a text and apologise if I was bothering you that morning.

I guessed as much, You're the sick one.

No wonder a friend told your sister, "da besar jangan jadi macam kakak kau."

And no wonder my sister told me to be wary of you. Kesian.
I see it now.

Unsatisfied with the happy things other people have, you had to ruin everything

Nasib baik, I learnt many things.
I learnt how to keep up.

I learnt how to focus on solutions rather than the problem because I know the problem is me.

Break out of it.

You were the one who pretended to like me.

I told you before.

Don't!

I told you many times how I hate people like that being my friend.

People like you rather.

You know what Tiffany.

I chose this name for you because it suits you best.

You know what, I do not need any sort of proof or whatsoever you Fuck.

How I wish you were here, at least when I smash your dirty malay face, I'd be smiling because you deserve it from me since day one!

Then again, like you said, I'd better use these lovely hands of mine to take big money from my boss instead of using it to smash your dirty face.

Clarify about me?

Who the fuck are you?

Some underage bitch who tried so hard to be me but to not avail and then tried finding untrue facts to use it against me?

Harry only knew me for a year and so.

Wish you've met Mike. He knew a lot more.

And thanks for putting in lies. I had plenty of them who could vouch for it.

Poor You.

You didnt even check.

Please.

Just look after yourself, Don't start so-called clarifying things about others.

Its not like as if I was gonna marry you FuckHole.

I live extra few years than you. Your life is much wasted than mine!

So shut your trap, and try straightening out your imperfect life like what I have been doing.

Simply by just shutting off MuthaFuckas like You.

Do not bother coming up to me and apologize like what you have been doing everytime we have this so-called tiff.

And this tiff is not temporary. (AKu JijIk DeNgan KaU.)

Don't even try to take effort to claim mad and save all those damn text messages I sent you and show to the whole world.

People won't know me just by hearing what you have to say. Remember, you don't even know me. I don't even fucking owe you anything!

Apparently, that is just typical of you.

Bother yourself with "Tommy" instead-better idea isn't it?

I am still wondering,

why you had to? I didn't even make you feel miserable with the way I live.

You are just like those Malay Brats I've met.

Menyampah dan memang Sampah.

And you Harry,

Yes, I hate you. I'm sorry. I use to tell you not to hate for you've once loved. But this time is different.

I am the victim Harry. I have always been.

I Hate you because you're You.

Get what I mean?

I made the biggest mistake in history, by becoming your girlfriend.

I made the correction by becoming your ex-girlfriend.

I am still making corrections. And its rapid and vast.

You will not know the old me anymore. Because of you, I am changing new and better. For a someone else.

I knew this day would come. see, I was well-prepared.

Because things like this, is wasting my time and energy.

Reminisce those happy memoirs, but don't miss them.

For you know, It will never happen again.

From today onwards, I will be filtering my friends, especially the new ones.

I know who are sincerely nice.

I know who are not.

I have said it many time and I am going to say this again.

DO NOT PRETEND TO LIKE ME.

save your nice antics and little judgements you have. Save it.

As for the real girlfriends, I have never regret knowing you inside out.
we hate each other because of the beautiful things, we love each other because we help each other straighten out our flaws.

Red, Thank you for being around. Xx

2009-08-24T02:01:00.002+08:00

HellO HellO..

Its just another healing day for me, oh but this time it hurts a lot more.

Fortunately, I am able to sit and cross my legs now, and even do the split.

I'm serious.

Now that is something to be proud of after you conked out your shithole badly!

I have been able to shit after days of antagonizing pain! Doctor says my intestines are normal and I am not allowed to take super-spicy food like I've been. Besides its the fasting month now and I am cutting down on them. (Apparently I had a bowl of mee soto with tons of chilli padi)

And been gorging nachos with cheese and jalapeño peppers!

I have been smoking alot more now, yesterday, I woke up from sleep realising that my finger was doing the actions of smoking but just without the faggs. Ridiculous ya?..

Anyway, enough about me binge eating and yes, I am starting that "puking routine" all over again. I'm sick! *TskTsk*

Finally after a week of being away from school, I am going to school on monday and then off to work at about 6, There might not be enough time to rush from school to home then off to work. The idea of being in school and work is there though. Mum's having chemotherapy on Monday and she is not allowed to fast with mama because they're on heavy drugs, for their chemotherapy and all. Me?..I'm still on medication but this fasting month only comes once a year and I'm just gonna go with it.

Work's been okay if you ask me, but it sucks a lot when you feel utterly useless because you've been ordered for light duties and not able to help your colleagues do their work and stuffs. Hopefull I'll be a little better for work this upcoming days. Then at least I don't feel bad being at work but not doing anything.

Okay, unfortunately I have nothing to blog about today, simply updating the past few so-called events that has happened and stuffs like that.

I know its not that entertaining to read this entree but its just something to acknowledge my ability to sit up and cross my legs on this chair listening to Mi Corazoncito by Aventura.

Somehow somewhat, I am in love with someone all over again. All over again.

we'll speak soon.

XxXx

I'm Fixed People!

2009-08-21T02:33:00.001+08:00

Finally!!

After days of agony and pain..(what a way to describe it!-but its a fact though.)
I managed to get up from my comfortable bed which has apparently made me dozed off longer than before with the help of advanced drugs and pain-relieve gel which has made me even sick-er!
Trust me on that mind you. I didn't even know that pain-killers can blur your visions and make you feel like you're having eye-sight problems.
But it's all good..Its good...
Despite that sudden breaks and bleeds that tends to happened,
I have since supported the injured area with a sanitary pad and self-inject anaesthesia to make the pain go away. Which works wonders, hence miraculously, this entree!
In fact, I just settled down from work and ate a peanut butter jelly sandwich with extra spread of butter and a huge-ass mug of coffee. Oh, and a tumbler of warm water.

I have been receiving well-wishes from Them'Loves @ school and of course, everyone back at home especially Mummy and Mia.
Mia was so sweet that she'd stay up late to ensure that I'm doing okay and gave me water as and when I need it. Mummy kept telling me not to self-medicate on my own because the result will be drastic.-I'd agree with her.
I've been medically excused from school so as not to exert in strenous activities, till today, I wonder what? I don't play catching or police-and-thieves with them,Loves except those smoke breaks that we have... and Mr Robert was kind enough to make me come back to work but I am not to lay hands on anything except the cash drawer. Which what I have been doing from Wednesday. I get blinded everytime the cash drawer opens and then you get fear engulfing you.

Well, here's the thing- I was on "carbo-free diet" for at least 3 to 4 weeks and force myslef to throw up what I eat. Disgusting?- I know. I hate the fact that you have excess calories and fats in you accumulating and probably getting stucked on the walls of your intestines. Don't you think so??
Then again, Life's too short to worry, so why worry being fat when you know that there are many slimming centres around in town to help you out with those flabs. (lucky me I don't accumulate much flabs on me!!)
And so, I had difficulties trying to shit-it out.(Don't mind the language but I'm just being direct and open..How else would you say it in a more formal way???)
Then I was trying so hard to "sit and push" when I realised that I had nothing to eat and digest!
So I tried helping myself with 3 table-spoonfuls of laxative. [Meet the new enemy!!!]
It gave me what I'm having now! sucks?- I know!
And the best part was, my intestines got affected. It was so bad, I started bleeding and crying myself to sleep enduring every ounce of the pain. My shitHole got Conked Out! Fuck!

AT least 2 visits to the doctors and many many drugs, I am currently in the not-so-best-kindda-state but I'm sitting patiently to end this blog entree and crawl up the bed..smelling my "comfort-zone". I have a bloated and windy tummy which makes me look like I'm 4 months expecting which I'm not, except just wind and food waste! I have to eat a whole of fruits if I'm skipping meals again, which for a fact that is definitely TRUE! My wound surrounding the anal area is healing faster than expected. Alhamdulilah!
And lessen them stupid faggs which gives me gastritis and chest pains!-which I am still considering and my heart and soul says NO. Faggs are life. They give me the extra energy I need. Okay, I'm not teaching you to smoke neither am I influencing your kids to "...put your lighters, roll a stick and lets get high...lets get high..."
The gastritis are really hurting me and its only boiled water which has been cooled that I'm drinking to get rid of the acid and stuffs. Soybean helps too!
Whatever it is,
fuck it ya?..
ladies, please...Take me as an example.
Do not suffer in agony just like I did.
DO not. So just eat.

Them,USMC's left this morning to Okinawa then back to The United States Of America. I shall not blog on how we say goodbye and bid farewells, because it was extremely SUCKY.
I just wanna say, ya'll been awesome and great. Armijo, Lugo, when you come back, we'll do the Bachata again at Azzucar or Union Square. sí? Por Favór?
And work's been okay but I think I'm missing out alot back at college. hmm...
I miss them. alot. te'Extraño Mucho!
Hey Qusha, Ein, Nanthini, CIka, Keen,Keenah and AlifD...Thanks for the well-wishes and I might see ya'll on Monday. I've got appointment on Tuesday. To see how this fixing went.

And to all Muslim Readers... Have a pleasant journey during this fasting month of Ramadhan. Its not about making it a must to fast because of Ramadhan, Its a must to fast because Allah S.W.T said so that we must fast in the month of Ramadhan.

Salam to all.
we shall speak again.
XxX@-;--

I am laughing my ass out loud again.Despite the pain.

2009-08-14T01:27:00.002+08:00

Ola again. ¿Qué pasa?
me?..Bien!

I am excited to track My Guest here. Who don't anti-melayu but she or he doesn't know that I anti her...or him..
Then again, Im busy making money for Mum and Dad. I just help Mum out with her billings and stuffs, bought things for hermana and myself, gave dad some pocket money, treat my babies at Pasir Ris for some Muddy Mud Pie at The Coffee Club And living my rich life.
How nice. Perfecto'!

Its okay Guest, Muchas Gracias Amigo. Thank ya?
At least I now know that yes, there are Melayus like you I suppose. I have justified my doubts and concern! Thank you oh so much darling.
This is very interesting.
Its like trying to make a piñacolada with Santan Kara. Get my point?
Never Mind. I'll teach you how to make a decent piñacolada.
Come find me.
Sí?

Looking from a different point of view, I mean, from how stereotype people think, its just sad enough to know that this people aren't grateful for what they've been given. Probably they don't have that beautiful little features that one can see but others don't. Not that others can't see. But they just don't want to see.
It just so happened that he's American. He knows of the other reason why I'm surviving and he is not disturbed by it.
"You wanna look at my girl, go ahead, I'm proud that she's liked."
- that's what he'll say.
I don't have to be "white" to be with a white man.
Its like, bleaching your hair blond, when its just a fucking hair color, and people think you want to be white. How pathetic.
So, what does it says when they are asian girls having their hair highlighted or whatsoever??
I am proud that Mrs Honstein has a German man for a husband,she's got a white baby girl, she's living the perfect life that any girls out there would want! Trust me.
Aye Guest,I don't have to be pretty for you, because I am beautiful to him.
(I can spell it for you if you want?..or probably a thesaurus so that you can see pictures to describe what B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L means?)
And its just pathetic enough when you fucking call yourself bitch?..How Sad..Wonder if you know what Bitch means. -Its a freaking female dog,you fuckhole.
Don't start degrading yourself. Why should You? Just be happy with what you have currently?..For you know, there'll be changes, for the better. Like a friend used to say, 'Permanence is fallacy. Nothing last forever. Nothing.'( credits to Maestro. I hope you're reading this!)
Why?- Because you've got no one telling you eres muy hermosa? or, eres muy guapo?
Sí? No?
Then, I'm sorry,Lo siento.
Perdón, por favor..Excuse me, please...This is becoming so kid-ish and I find myself attracted to you and entertaining you in a way or another. I'm actually stooping as low as you!
But its a fact though.You are so down there!
Wait, No one ever told you that its rude to intrude in other people's life and start commenting on how her life should be?..Next time, go to my ballet school and take a good look at yourself, because we've got huge-ass mirrors for perfect reflections! Don't tell me to do that, because I've always been looking at how graceful I am. On top of that, I've seen the other girls too. Well, we are better than each other one way or another.
OK,Now, I am going to end this immature and childish remarks and stuffs just trying to please myself, I don't care if it pleases you. Because Lady Gaga said, "when someone talks bad about you or things like that, Tell them Lady Gaga tells you to Fuck Off." (Thanks Red.;)
vale?
So go Fuck Yourself with regards to If I Have A white Boyfriend, or Anti-Melayu who just sits around doing nothing, knowing nothing of what their future would be. Yes, I anti those Melayus. Because, it just sucks when you have Malay friends living off you and make you clean up their mess and cover their asses, pay for what they want and smoke MY faggs when they have none! Or even, those who go like,
"who you texting? why did you say hie to that guy? why are you looking at that guy?"
I was living in misery when I was with a bunch of Fucked Up Melayus like You people!
But bear this in mind,
~My aunt and uncle, they're Melayu, and they've got what it takes to be rich and happy. Do you?
~My girlfriends, they're Melayu, and they've got what it takes to be rich and happy. Do You?
~My parents, They're Melayu, and they have what it takes to raise capable kids like me and my hermana'. DO YOU?
~And those successful Melayus out there who can even afford a bloody BMW Z4 and do what they do best, make money..Do You?
When I was 17, I paid Dad's Bank Bills which estimately accumulates up to $9000/-
And what are these buch of fuckholes I used to be with doing at 17? Fuck, club, live off other people, get wasted, Lepak till next morning for the first bus?
Hey, even he knows Muslims aren't suppose to Fuck before marriage, Fucking before marriage is worst than being sinful when you drink alcohol.
You tried, But not hard enough. I pity you. You're jealous of the little Nice things I have, but you don't.
And I am so proud of those Melayus who have achieved in life and still going for more.
Yes, Aku Melayu. Not Only Melayu, My Mum's Indonesian, And I'm happy for all the achievements I've made. Its because I understand how it went, that's why I don't have to abide by the books. Its just that YOU don't understand, that's why, if an Asian girl gets together with a white boy, something must be wrong. You Pathetic Fuck Holes.
So... don't go around telling people, I hate MALAYS, Because I don't. I only hate You.
¿Entendiste eso? You understand that? Awak Faham?

Announcements for Man'U' Fans!

Sunday, August 16Th'09 -Burmingham Vs Man United 2030hrs.

Come and Catch it at Man U cafe Bar and do the cheers with Mervin and friends. (sounds like, 'Oh, Barney the Dinosaur will be there!) Booze,Booze and more Booze. Come and get them Booze with us. Feel The Truck Bombs Babay!!~ Today I know Sambuca is nice! It has this 'cough syrup' kind of taste. But its good'uh!

Hastas Pronto!

Xx Xx

Today, Got pictures and another long entree.

2009-08-11T23:34:00.005+08:00

One Of The Many Beautiful Things I'm In Love With.

(Top To Bottom: crappy photos taken while waiting for the perfect time to leave school,Qush, Ein and Nanthini and That's Cuppy, My needs at home and Stacy!)

Cool ya? I'm in love with the above!

Yes...today, I am super early for school because the whole entire freaking day on Monday, I slept. Slept my way through, did not shower, did not eat, just drank Japanese green tea and soybean, trust me, the concoction did not work! I tried to maintain the acid level in my plastic tummy by drinking soybean and detoxifying myself with Japanese green tea = I had a hard time shitting and my anus hurts!!!! Darn!

I'm not working today, that gives me more time to sleep again today, and apparently its "crime night" on Tuesday nights. I'm watching CSI while I'm uploading this entree.

I have since decided on somethings which I think would be good enough to let it stay the way it is. Yes, I have a hater now, and I don't wish to be specific on who that being is, because I used to love him that much. Okay,I shall not brood over unpleasant memories. Because it will definitely be one of the reasons I'm braking down and trying to get a grip of myself over it.

Dude,I have many other BEAUTIFUL reasons unto why I should be surviving.

Dig it!

The greatness of having the perfections in life is nothing compared to those little yet stupid quarrels I used to have in the past. You win, I lost. I lost many many things.
But I'm gaining all of it back. I am. Trust me.
I may not be that person who will flabbergast you in anyway anymore. But I'm making another flabbergasted by the simple things I do.
I would like to extend heartfelt gratitude, which means Thank You, for all the helps you've been rendering and I'm glad things happened for a reason. It makes me learn and grow to be a much better person. I will now know how to avoid stupid mistakes which has happened in the past when I was there. With you.
Its utterly disturbing that I'm living life with it all replaying,I just hope it wont happen again with another person.
Let me live in denial, I don't miss you.
At least it keeps the distance perfect enough so that I don't break down crying, saying I still need you around. The new one may not be as great as you. But he's just there to see and make sure I live life to the fullest with the wise choices and decisions I'd make. Because he knows you're still one of the reasons why I'm surviving each day besides acknowledging the fact I have to survive for Mum and many other BEAUTIFUL reasons. Like I've said,

Life isn't tied with a bow, but its still a gift. Setbacks aren't a personal failure to me. It'll just be challenge for me to keep improving myself so that things will get better, going alongside my stride.

Thank you very much for the beautiful things.

Make us a lesson.

Lesson learnt so that those negativity don't happen anymore.

As for now, I think I'd be better off with just being in love with me. I'd probably didn't love myself enough that's why I allowed situations and unhappy incidents to just take control of ME.

I'm not being ignorant, just simply complying to what He has set in for me. Because I know things happens for a reason. A good one at that! Reasons like making you grow and live through it all easily and comfortably. And Learn!

Mama told me this over tea the other time I met up with her.

" If we don't make mistakes, How would we know that we did something wrong? If we don't fall down, how would we know that its not safe to walk there? If we don't get hurt, how would we know that the learning and experiencing process is painful enough. Because that's just the way it is. Because its true, you will never learn if you never known what the cause of those pain were."

-Thank You mama. I love you.

___________________________________________________________________

Okay, Finally Mia told me that my blog entree can be compiled into a novel or something. Or probably motivational or even self-help books. I could make million bucks out of it!

Ya right.

What the fuck?

Then again, it gives me the pleasure of having the patience to actually penned my pondering and make a good deal out of it all. I just hope them readers have the patience of reading it all.

Thank You.

Love,

Ayesha

After so many days...

2009-08-10T03:19:00.002+08:00

Hello everyone.

Apologies for the late entrees that many has been expecting to read. I've been caught up at work lately and ballet and practically school. Trying to catch up with many missed lessons and lectures. Unintentionally shouted at my lecturer, because I was figuring out how to go about that reservation exercise we had to do on the computer. She was asking me somethings not pertaining to what I was doing and the help I needed to figure it out.
Poor Miss Wong, shuts herself up and refrain from talking to an angry Nura. Bad I know,
Eventually I apologised before I left school to go home. And I would like to escalate my gratitude to the lovely girls I have ever known, Qusha, Cika and Nanthini. For helping me out. Despite my stubborn nature turning your help down just simply trying to work it out on my own but to no avail.

Then, the following days, went to work as usual and yes, the usual work routine on fridays and saturdays except Sunday. 'Bloody' Sunday.
It was a match night,Manchester United versus Chelsea. Sad enough Manchester united lost, glad enough Chelsea won. Crowded. Noisy. Dirty. Messy. Gosh.
Serious. I was literally running around doing things and entertaining customers, hoping they'd be comfortable with their sitting plans and the food serve. Unaware of the time. We closed the bar at about 0200hrs. Yes, that is what tourism students are being thought. Putting customers first before yourself. Going the extra mile in the service industry. Which in other explanatory terms, you must take the bullet for the customer if you're causght up in that kind of situation. Hopefully something less painful.

I went to Clarke Quay with a bunch of friends on saturday to catch the countdown for Sinagpore Independence Day on August 9th, and it was really really hard to listen to a friend talk, because I could hear myself shouting while explaining things. Terrible.
Today, (Monday, August 10th.) I'll be doing the house chores and also hang out with mummy and mama by the beach, have breakfast or probably brunch. I am going to sleep the whole friggin' day and ignore any human beings who tries to contact me and ask me out. Please allow me to have my beauty sleep. I'll speak to you when I rise from bed. As long as Im still under the covers, I'll still be ignoring you. so please.

I have since then, named my new bedroom slipper with a big bunny head pink colour, Stacy. I dont know why, I fell in love with it so much, I actually went to bed with it. Yes. Stacy. Don't laugh.Its just a matter of time for anyone of you to accept it just like you have been accepting the fact that my little pillow which I sleep with every night and cannot go to sleep without it,namely; Cuppy. Like it or not, to be with me, please accept it. Qush, I know you almost dozed off with it. Its still mine.

Okay, I have washed up with Johnsons Baby Bath Cream,slapped and smothered myself with Johnsons Night Time Baby Lotion and the Johnsons Baby powder which apparently releases this calmness effect, that is said to help babies sleep have a good night sleep.(I did it about 3hours ago and Im still wide awake.) In fact, its a routine for me. I made it into "Its A Must" kind of thing. That explains huh? No seriously, we, women must have this habit to simply look after the utmost beautiful skin The Almighty have given us. Trust me, You will love the way your skin feels and you will feel super-confident when you bare them. I'm in love with Mr J's products.
Try walking around naked after you've done the above. Awesome. Believe me. And also, always wear socks after moisturising your feet when you go to sleep. And smell yourself when you're comfortably under the covers.

Some men loves the way a beautiful feet looks.I'm not kidding!

Serious.

Have a glass of hot japanese green tea, not sakae. Green Tea. Before you go to sleep. It washes your "insides" and detox you. Drink lots of water with lemon for detoxification.Its good. Trust me. Avoid those carbonated soft drinks which can cause you many many ailments in the future.
And yes, I am trying to get the hang of eating right. Being aneroxic is NOT COOL.I am hurting myself at work all the time when I graze my ribcage against the cutleries cupboard. Please eat well ladies. Lots of vegetables and fruits and water.
What The fuck am I doing?...I'm lecturing... Im putting my daily things into some theoretical ways.
I'd stop it.

And yes, I am very happy with the greatness in life I have been receiving. Alhamdulilah. I've given Mum what she needs, bought some momentos for my sisters and given Dad too.
I'm glad I made some wise decisions in life. I am proud of the little achievements I've fulfilled.
We'll speak when I have the ample time to sit and upload my ponderings. Ya?
Ouh, Te Extraño LCP Conley.

Buenas Noches. Good Night.
XxXxXx

I feel sorry for you Love~

2009-07-31T13:25:00.005+08:00

Awwe..

That is very very sad.

I've got a whole bunch of unhappy people on my tag board trying to point out MY FUCKING flaws against their "perfection."

How Sick though.

1. I wonder if you were the one who was scared of telling me who you are thats why?..
2. framed everyone?... how much money involve?...
don't look up to me just because you're affiliated to my sister one way or another. Don't.
I hated you before. Remember? - I wonder why I stopped hating you. Oh right. I remember.
3. Karma? As in what goes around comes around? Naah.. Winners always say what comes down,must GO UP!
4. Karma, again, hit me like a freaking hurricane? They always say "prevention is better than cure." heard about it babe?
5. Know why I simply walked out on ya'll? -Because its not worth being there. Now, I'm beginning to be proud of some of you for at least taking up that challenge I announced. well done.
6. Deleting your comments on my tagboard is not about being afraid that the whole world will know about me, you will never know a being just by telling them I'm this, that.

You must be intellectually smart to speak. Dont start talking like oh you think you're so right about it. you're so young. That young you've not learn what real knocks in life is all about. I'm not saying i'm old. I am a young achiever. Alhamdulilah. I can give Ummi hundreds of stacks monthly.
Your parents are still looking for you when you're out going underage parties.

how Sad. so sad. I had to even cover up your ass.

you ass.

I just wish to thank you for all the little efforts you've put in to simply point out my flaws which I will definitely work on it. "framing" you. (I am laughing so hard right now)
Conley says its just a way to "so-called" agreeing to a disagreement.
But what bothers me alot is, why wont you call me up and talk to me? you freak.
I only have to tell one, because its all of you. know what I'm saying?
Poor You. So unhappy that you have to live your imperfect live the way it is.
I was trying so hard to make mine perfect with the help of many many intelligent people like Bud, Robert, Jan, Red, Conley, Armijo..many many...And you know what, degrading my girlfriend- was so cool, because we ended up yelling at each other in school crying and making other people who loves us cry too. Im just so sorry that she had to read comments from you. I know she's not that dumb, because apparently I told her all about it before you start dirtying my tagboard. I still love my bunch of loves in school because they're smart people, oh yes they are.
I don't care if they forget me, Its okay. As long as their memories stays with me. Im happy.
They have what it takes. Oh, I took it down not because its about people tagging on my blog and make the most out of it, its about reading the contents. I get paid doing this shit. Im happy.

I'll still smile when I see you and oh, "kakak im so lucky you're here." or "Thank God I met you kak" -Don't fucking say that. Don't. It was because you were caught up in a situation whereby help wasn't available, and it just so happens that I was there.
BullShit. Try being really happy and start believing you're happy. It makes you happy.
Do Not memorise theories of happiness. Thats not what its all about. Create happiness.
At least your other friend is nice enough to thank me for all the times she had with me. Oh yes she did. Its okay. Im not asking for anything more from you. Yes you. so stick with.
" Awesome! Oh wow! Like totally freak me out I mean right on! "

Ermano Lugo said this to me on the night he read my blog, Nice things and people come and may go. But they will always be replaced with nicer ones. There is always a time and place for everyone. Love everyone that loves you.
So what if I cant please everyone, I will do what makes me happy and enjoy the journey, touching few lives along the way! I did it, and I'm still doing it.
Go figure darling.

Wake up and start thinking.

ouh, Mia says that take back what you say, because she will never trust you on that.
And she says that stop playing God's assistant. Karma only comes when you fucking believe in it, believe it will happen to you. You know I never believed in God once, You know I got engaged in dirty things last time. You know That. You do know that. you were so terrified.
Like I've said, I tried so hard to make changes to imperfect my imperfect lives. And its the imperfections which makes them love me. I am not living in denial my dear. There are people who loves you because of your imperfections.
and "kakak" here halalkan the hot neslo's you've had or whatever I've cooked and all.
Really. Don't payback. I'm not counting.

XxXxXxXx

That ShitAss dont know I tracked em' down

2009-07-28T01:13:00.004+08:00

Hello all..
My apologies with regards to late entrees and also response because of this particular shit Ass who brags about how well she happened to know me and my girlfriend.
Guess what, I I took the IP addresses. Its not only one of it, this cute piece of shit happened to log on several occasions. ( I tend to believe what the police has printed out for me.)
Then that police officer whom I made the report to, ask me if I would like to take any legal action against this person, believe it or not, I wont tell you if that Fuck Face is really a girl.

How embarrassing.
Like I've said, sometime before, You can go FUCK YOURSELF for all I care. Why bother to fuck me, can you pay me that much?
You sick bitch!

Okay, I'm simply a nice girl. And normally I don't screw "not-that-nice" people like that.
Ignoring a problem is not always running away from it. Its just being matured enough to let kids like this passer-by grow up.
Trust me, the law here is very fair that it'll definitely justify any sort of disagreements.
That's why I cannot be bothered to actually reply that MOFO via my cute-ass tag board. The black-and-white documents and police reports are in my hands, filed them up nicely in my 'sesame streets' file. All I need to do is just execute my consideration if I would like to take any legal action against FUCK HOLE!
And in the tag-message my girl claimed that this passerby must be someone we know back then or someone who claims to have known us so well, oh yes, I know who you are now. I'm just gonna wait for that perfect timing to execute legal actions against you, and if you think you're prepared for it, I'm even well prepared, I've sent an email to my lawyer from the US navy(he's a JAG) and I'm getting help with regards to this. Trust me. This is not a threat, I repeat, this is NOT A THREAT. Its just what mature and kind girls do to get back at immature and irresponsible people like You.
Qusha, Don't bother what unhappy people with debts in life got to say about you. As long you know that things are changing perfectly to suit your life now, because you believe in great changes that can really determined perfectness in life! Right?
And of course, you know yourself even better that anyone else! (I love you baby girl!)

Okay Okay...Enough with these "little entertainment" pertaining "passerby" here.
I've been down with a pretty bad flu and my fever is a lot worse than the previous one.
I'm still going to work somehow, not doing much things though but couldn't get up for school this morning! 40.1 degree Celsius.
We'll see if I'm able to be up for school tomorrow. Mum's quarantined herself because she seems to be immune to any slight coughs or sniffles. I've been told to stay away from her. Just so in case that she doesn't get infected by my flu.

No work tomorrow, But plans with The Friels, Karl's leaving with Kenda back to UK...
I miss Them, Loves. A lot. Puffer Fish?...Be back home soon okay?
xXxXxXxXx

What's the story Morning Glory! Man'United won!

2009-07-22T15:25:00.004+08:00

Apparently I'm pretty bad at trying, at least trying to edit a picture of me and them loves, and at least trying to stick them togther, so that it falls in place to become one perfect picture.

Get what I mean?..No?.. yeah, I know.. Okay, I wasn't in school today because, Mum had fuckloads of scans today for she's coming home tomorrow! and I had to help her settle some things associated to that.

Qush told me printings of assignments are today and tomorrow I must be present in school, in need of beautifying the class photograph that we'll be having, and of course, them love's aren't complete if one of us keeps going missing.

Anyone in agreement, say "I!"

Im off to work in a few hours time, logging off from where I am. Hopefully nothing seems to go wrong at work! And to any lovely readers who have some time to spare, do drop by Manchester United Cafe Bar and enjoy daily happy hour from now all the way till 9pm. draught beers are at $9 per full pint, except Hoegaarden which cost $11 per "bowl". Budweisers are 1for1 at $14,$28 per bucket of 5.

Trust me, we serve good food. Hah! Just put aside whose team you're cheering on or walking with, You wont find any other cafe bar that says " we bring you the best moments."

To them Loves at school, I love you loads. And thank you for keeping me updated pertaining school assignments and all, Qusha, Ein, Nanthini, Cika for the "copy-paste-and write my name and etc on your assignments" hahahaha.....

Love Love~

Defending my kind.

2009-07-21T22:29:00.005+08:00

Well, Hello readers,

Hope everything's been perfectly fine for some of you.

I've been really good except just tired doing the same routine everyday.

well well, with all due respect with regards to anything else that has been happening,

I just wanted to escalate my concern pertaining sick-in-the-brain muthafuckas who has nothing better to do than making other people's personal life their concern.

Apparently, I happened to have this shitass passerby on my tagboard, (I just deleted that fuckhole because he's just wasting the space on my tagboard for my loved ones to leave nice messages for me.)

I'm not angry nor am I being very uptight about that anonymous bastard who have apparently tarnished the simplicity of my life with your crappy information that no one needs.

And if this MOFO happens to read, well, go on my dear, it makes me proud having a loyal reader keeping yourself updated with my personal or social life. It makes me happy because you're a challenge for my improvement.

Oooh..wicked.

You love attention that much do you?.. How pathetic.

People give you that attention you need when you dont fucking seek it!

When you fucking deserve it.

Its just like saying how much ugly men detest those who rely on others which in other explanatory term, they're full of substance and all. Bullshit!.

True I dont know you, neither do you.

Well here's some factual things about me, I was once declared by the sick psychologist that I was having mild depression when I was 16.

and then he declared that I'm no longer suffering it when I was 17.

Ask me how I snapped out of it? Let me slap you with my answer.

Depression?!...What the fuck is that?

Really, Why would I be having depression when I have those who loves me and wants to be around me and all. What matters the most was, depression didnt come and find me, I went looking for it. How sick and pathetic, I know. But does that concerns you dearest passerby?

Bet not. Mind you readers, I didnt do anything personal to that fuckface.

I hate pretenders and bullshit people who just goes on bragging about their perfections in life and everything else. I dont mind if you lie.

But wait a minute, I'm stooping to lower than you are. How sad! And to think you've got the cheek to just come spamming my "dumb diary"(sorry sabrina, I fell in love with how you describe your daily ponderings,thanks though!) saying things you think you know?

Fuck you.

There You go.

Oh.

You hate me.

Well, thats right.

You hate me or my existence that could be a threat to you. am I right?

That's just too bad,

You were probably my friend since you think you know so much.

See...even your friend whom you used to trust so much can actually do that?

wow.

How interesting. How sad.

Thats pretty enlightening to me though.

Go on, tell the world about how bad or imperfect can someone be, just so you know, how you fall down in an event makes people love you for at least realising that little mistakes that you've made and straightening out flaws.and being brave enough to at least admit it!

You and I are not from different worlds.

In fact, we live in the same world but with many different sort of people. You may be that ugly soul stuck inside the body of a beautiful one. Its just too bad that heart of yours dont even deserve the best love from anyone else.

And instead of being a good friend and remaining as one, you simply make people hate you and embed hatred in you!

I wish I know who you are. I wish I do. Then at least I can thank you for still pointing out my flaws. I just wish to apologise should what I said and post on this entree be of anything that has trigger off your anger.I dont hate you, and will never.

But let me remind you, it is utterly wrong and rude to just simply do what you just did. It is.

Just so you know, I have changed not only for myself, but for those who deserve to receive the best of me, from me. And if you think you're unhappy about the little changes I've made to be who I am now, Than you can suck my balls! (if only I had one)

I am not angry despite the words and unintended puns I've used, just being defensive because, anyone else would have done the same.

And to you passerby who have conjugated an unintelligent rhyme out of my personal life back in 2005-2006.

Because this is my blog and I have every right to dismiss bloody fucktards who comes and go like..."oh, heard you've got a green letter...hahahahahahahs..bitch!"

green letter?..whats that? a fucking permit for you to fuck yourself?

To my beautiful souls who have been the very best in my life, bear this in mind...

Life is not only about living it like there's no tomorrow. Its about choosing and deciding the very best you want for yourself not only for now, forever.

Life isn't tied with a bow, its still a gift!

And whatever doesn't kill you really, makes you stronger!

And also remember that, be an eccentric now. Don't wait for the time you think the colour "purple" or even "pink" is the "in" colour!

take care. God Bless.

XxXxXxXxXx

These Past Few Days...

2009-07-15T01:38:00.004+08:00

Warm greetings to everyone.

And I do apologise for the late entrees and also many other unintended snapping.

(If you know what I really mean.)

These past few days have been very exhausting and I've been trying my very best to take certain things into my stride -making the most out of the very last strength i have for them.

My sisters and I have been pretty sensitive and emotionally imbalanced, while Dad tried to be "cool" about our current situation.

Grams and Grands, Mama and Papa, My loved Ones @ school, Bud for the mass message you've sent out for the endless prayers, My puffer fish and family for the extra supports which made us pull through with the absence of mum and those who knew of, been very very supportive I must say. I will definitely not forget it all. Not at all.

Thank You...

Everything happened so fast and all so sudden. Amidst the preparations for the recovery we thought it was, Mum had to be sent back to the hospital,Doctor said, there was some infection underlying the healed wound(she had 16hours of surgery done to remove her lymph nodes.)

The infection was so severe that it has penetrated through her blood stream and the surgeons are afraid it will attack her heart valve.

Please tell me that all of it has something out of it!!

Yes, tears and little lectures from Mama and many others were given but I told my sisters that
" They love you, thus all of this."

I was telling myself throughout the little journeys to school or to the hospital, Life is actually too short to worry.

-Why was I worrying of little things or even big ones when I should be counting the blessings?!

-Why was I looking back at the little things I should have done when instead, I should be looking forward and thinking of things I must be doing?!

-Why was I pretending to be strong when I can actually lie about being strong?

I was very scared, petrified, worried and upset. I break down the moment there was silence and Mum was so clear in my mind.

Being prepared for the unexpected and telling myself mum was gonna be alright!

And yes indeed...She is doing perfectly fine. Alhamdulilah.

Despite what the results have been told, she was doing fantastic. I told her...

" tell yourself,I am perfectly well and healthy."

Alhamdulilah, in the moment of awaiting for what more the doctors have to say...I sat and chatted with her the whole night, exceeding the visiting hours. Chatted about what was it like in HongKong when we went there during our holiday. I was probably about 18months at that point of time.

To quarrelling over how much balance she had in her POSB account.

To the nitty-gritty things she experienced the moment she wakes up in her ward and also which nurse was more professional than any other ones.

Oh yes, I'm glad that Mum wakes up the next day, He gave that extra lease of life she needs...I am extremely happy when she calls home despite her low running battery when we rushed to the hospital just to pass the charger to her so that she can call us the next day.

Dear God,

I thank Thee, for that little imperfections in life You've bestowed upon me and my family.

I'd rather thank You for all the hurdles you've set for us in life than being angry at you.

For what you've given us draws our family so much closer than looking back at what he had many years ago.

Dear God,

I thank Thee, for being there when ills and evils catch up.

You watched over us, you have given us perfect gifts in life although I know, it didn't came with a bow.

I know its all a challenge, but I take it. I made that effort.

That effort to set ease, and at least a little stronger and prepared.

It wasn't a simple lesson, We learn it through such difficult theoretical aspects.

It wasn't an easy task, just by holding on to one another, It was a challenge on how long we were holding on and how we were holding on.

They always say, "there's always a light at the end of the tunnel." or "there is always sunshine after the rain."

I agree.

But sometime things aren't that rosy and I'm beginning to accept it all just like that, and I know I will see that sunshine after this heavy downpour, that bright light that will never darken any tunnel.

XxXxXXxXxXXxxxXxXxX.....

Do I Owe You An Apology?

2009-07-12T21:15:00.003+08:00

(Please imagine me with my english accent) =))

I was literally laughing it off to the fact that I am actually blogging. Its been awhile I stopped and those ladies been bugging me. Its not quite a hassle though but really, i've been busy slogging my ass out at work and also doing all nitty-gritty things.

Hello again everyone.
I hope all's perfectly well and never been better.
Its been a week now that school's started and I've been spending my holidays at work. Enjoying all the little things and making those around me laugh, at least to get rid of all the miseries and ills they've had.
I've been a little disturbed though by certain things. And I've successfully managed to rid them all. for I was asking myself why was I counting pathetic worries instead of seeing and living my blessings!

I've got a bunch of friends who I dont quite like to linger around with and be part of it all anymore. I ought to count myself lucky for at least realising it in the most smartest way possible
than any other way! And I've never felt any better.
I dont mind kissing my english boyfriend's arse rather than I sit around with them and pretend! Such imperfections will be taken into lessons but not for tolreance sake.
I would like to emphasise on a specific being and I'm sorry to say, I feel utterly terrible when I start talking about him, then again, I feel alot worse looking back at a silly quarrel that my best friend and I had!
No doubt that I dont hate you but I hate looking at the things now and I know there are those who definitely went like..."I knew it."
Okay, I'm not suppose to 'Brag' about how infamous you are. But its just sad that Im beyond the expectation that you expected. I may not meet yours, but I over-met others. And that is not only the reason why they love me. -Alhamdulilah,praise the Lord.

I'm all out of the line when it comes to earnings. My earnings. What I earn and how much I earn.
What more I do and Where do I go during the free times I have. I hate sitting around and walking around aimlessly when i can actually use that time length wasted to cook, clean or even read the whole series of Donald J. Trump on how to be successful or Robert Kiyosaki on being rich and happy.
I start realising that soon afters I knew how much my minutes and seconds ticked away!
How am I suppose to get it all back?
Thank God, I've geared up.

Anyway, Im not going to prolong my misery by talking and "reminiscing", err..no...remembering little happy things and times had with them now. Honestly, im not looking forward to be part of it all anymore.

So, Do I Owe You An Apology Dear Loyal Readers?
I apologise for the late entrees of my ponderings due to tight schedule and sudden unexpected happenings. Hah!...
I will write again. I promise.
Love,
xXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxXXXXxxXXXxxxXxxxxxxXxXxXxxxxx

Little "Imperfections" I fell in Love with.

2009-07-12T21:07:00.005+08:00

ENJOY!!!

Condolences.

2009-06-17T06:26:00.002+08:00

AL-Fatihah.
I received a call from Grands today at about 0615hours.
Nyai has left us to be with Allah s.w.t
May Allah s.w.t bestow his blessings upon her.
Heartfelt condolences.
She will be remembered in our prayers.
Amin.

Yes Readers.

2009-06-17T05:22:00.005+08:00

Pathetically ill.

Down with the bug.

Mother and me.

'BUGS'

( Pictures are uploaded Just for my loyal readers.)

I arrived in Singapore on Sunday night and since then, I've been busy preparing myself for work, ballet and helping myself pertaining to certain matters that has been bothering me.
Anyway, I shan't blabber about a personal failure that I'm not quite proud of and I'm beginning to be wary and even more afraid than before.
Afraid of consequences and reasons that will befall me. Then again, a personal failure is something for me to improve myself and prepare for more challenges.
A swallow does not make a summer. My weakness will not make me a failure forever.

KUL's trip been pretty okay, Mum's effort and patience had brought a whole lot of laughter and perfect little reason why life's such.
Such- as in little imperfect details that we see and we fall in love with them.
Life was never like a box of chocolates I'd say. Know why?...- Chocolates have many flavours. Just choose. And if you were given multi-flavoured chocolates in a box, open it and choose what you wanna taste. (Duh!)

At the end of the day, I will have to make a firm statement. I cannot go on like this. Its bothering me alot. I feel like I'm sacrificing myself. I'm giving in too much and letting others have thier way. But its just that I dont wanna hurt any one of you. I'd probably hurt you alot more through this process but hey, it was NEVER intentional. I suppose trying not to hurt you is hurting you. I dont want to give up, but giving in doesnt means giving up. And I know its not fair for you. Its not fair for me either. Im falling back on tracks that I never want to walk on anymore.
I never believe in fate. Nor in luck.
Nasib, Takdir, Patut. - I'd say patut.

I ought to. Ought to choose. Make wise decisions and make myself understand things. But I believe that I've been understanding too much thats why I lie. Lie so that no one gets hurt. Know what, trying to maintain and care for the fragility of a heart, is hurting me so so much.
Im sorry that if anyone were to see through it all. At least lying is better that pretending!
Nevertheless, this cannot continue. I'm sinful to myself in such a way. Darn.
As much as I'm accepting my human frailty, but I always knew somehow, Hope gives me the strength in life to go on, expand and grow.

If I ever went silent without a note, I dont want any to worry. Please don't.
Because, if I believe that others must be given chances and opportunities, why can't I have it too?
I need that sole time to myself, to better understand, knowing what to do without being told and of course, what to say, when I don't know what to say.
Whoever you are...I will never hate, because I probably have once loved you. And yes, to any others.I've been loving you. I will still love you forever and ever as long as I still breathe.

One thing,Two do,Three words Four you.

2009-06-10T22:19:00.004+08:00

To: themloves_iloveyou@cckyewtee
CC: mymeangirls@cw

I'll be leaving on a short getaway with my family before Ummi's chemotherapy on the 15th of June.
I somehow hope, when I come home, I get to have little meet-ups session with Qush and Ein, Cika and Nanthini. Updates on what has been happening ever since our last paper. Yes. I will call you buggers.

To them Loves, DO NOT overspend. Danielle especially.
I know the income will built by the time I leave, If you wish to kirim anything, transfer the desired amount to my POSB savings account. ( Amboi amboi....)
Boys, please look after the ladies okay...? Thats what big brothers and real men do.
Sweethearts, should they do anything which triggers of any of your wires...do write a complain letter. you can email it to me at siapkorangeh@nantikau.hah

And You,
Wow. Within a month and many things happened.
The reason why I 'refreshed' my satrical status and pace I set, pertaining to what has become of me now ; because I know you can simplify things for me when things get complicated.
I just want to be a little perfect than my flaws. But I began to see nitty-gritty changes. ANd I hope its for the better. Because, chances and opportunities are what I always want, Its okay to 'give' while not receiving though. I know how it feels to be put aside and when no one really cares.
Thats why, You are important. And so are the mentioned ones.

When I come home, I want to see you. see them.
I love you.

( Thank you for your favourable consideration. I hope to hear from you soon.)
~ Nura.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sayang sangat.

2009-06-10T05:22:00.006+08:00

Im currently in love with them. so much and losing them will be my loss.
I apologise should you are not being mentioned. I have sinced striked the word "hatred" off my dictionary. For if I've once loved, I will never hate. And I always believed that nice things and people come and may go. But they are always replaced with nicer ones. There is always a time and place for everything and everyone. All's well. And you are unique and special in your own way .

Thats why they 'touched' me, along their own journey..
They who sees and witness every details and little things that I bring in life...
The stupidest quarrels we have and stuffs...
Now its the holidays, I kindda miss the littlest things they can do for me and how they make my day. Smoke break for an hour, skipping classes, gossip and laugh together. Get into cute little immature fights with other people..('',)
I suppose you ladies know who you are. And I really wish that school never ends. Somehow, from the depth of my big heart, I never regretted "accidentally" enrolling myself in school. Thats when I met you. Beautiful.
And yes, Nura loves you very much.

Then...along the way and amidst the break-up I experienced with a pretty soul. I shall only reminisce the good memoirs. Because, painful ones makes you break, but you will improve yourself with it.
I met 'Them,Loves'.
Since then, I've been loving them a whole lot more each day. It'll still be the way it is as long as I still breathe. I remembered our first outing. We went for sheesha and grab the night rider home! Teehee..That was my first time. Im serious. Andsomehow, throughout the whole entire time, many things happened. Unexpected invitation and opening of hearts to one another...Its not that difficult to explain but somehow I just couldnt take the risk, I was just afraid of breaking when I was already that fragile. Things then took a turn and part of my beliefs came tumbling down.
Then alot of quarrels. I shan't say misunderstandings. Because misunderstandings dont happen when you understand.
Somehow now...we're all much closer than before and yes..I want it to remain the way it is.
The modified buddha clap and sprinkler..chew, swallow, talk.. You people always makes my day.

Ouh...
and Mr NPO @ Yew Tee, Its been an ultimate pleasure having you again. I apologise for many reasons and I blieve you'd give things a miss, Because if HE can forgive his people why wont others too...
I suppose you know that I had to go for a reason. There were many things I was trying to protect and feel secured about. Till that fateful night. I wonder why. I was very disturbed. very...I guessed you know how I felt. You could sense it kan?..
I told you of somethings. And a whole lot more of other things. But please do not reproach of what you wanted to do before this and start pondering about.."oh,i should have done that in the first place.." -Don't.

Count your blessings and start living. I know I can't please everyone. But I will continue to do what I love doing the most , what makes me happy..and if I happened to touched anyone along the way..Alhamdulilah....
To be happy, we have to think diferently. About ourselves and how we appreciate ourselves.. We are our own miracles in our own right and we deserve respect and love from ourselves first. Life is never boring. Its an adventure. It just is.

Go Figure.

2009-06-08T03:51:00.002+08:00

Here's something I extract from some songs that has been pleasing my ear.

" Siapa sebenarnya aku padamu?..Mungkin sama dengan teman lain, Yang bisa kau buat begitu. Dan bila, tiada lagi teman bermain, kau pulang untuk mendapatkan aku. Itulah aku,padamu.."
-Cuba by Faizal Tahir.

"kutahu, kau selingkuh kau duakan cintaku yang tulus. kau tahu, diri ku tak pernah berpaling dari dirimu tega nya kau dustai semua janji kita berdua...Entah masih kah ada cinta di hatiku untuk muentah kapan kah ku dapat membuka hati ini, untuk mu.."
-Entah by Afgan

"Meski, pagi itu indah. Tapi, akan sunyi tanpamu. Menemani aku sepi..Tanpa cintamu aku resah..tanpa dirimu aku hampa,Tanpa cintamu aku..mati.."
-Tanpa by Sixth Sense

ahh.....pandai-pandai la korang go figure sendirik!..

Sabtu dan Ahad. Bukan kawan saya.

2009-06-08T00:12:00.005+08:00

saat-saat ngantok,bila sedang menunggu.

Them. Loves.

Grams, Aq, Grands.

Ummi's big girl.

Saturday. June 6th,09

Ummi had her work department's bbq pit and we all tagged along. I was cigarette deprived and had a real bad tummy ache when I went home. Puked like nobody's and met them,loves afters. The tummy ache continued and stayed till I get home. Dunk a little more warm water and ended up vomitting again. It snoozes through my nose and *urgh*..Geli nyah....

And so on Sunday. June 7th,09... Met them loves, in the afternoon. plan was to catch a movie and stuffs but ended crashing at Danielle's playing guitar heroes and stuffs. (cool..)

Something happen. I shall not say what, but if you readers get the picture, then what I'm trying to "hide" is not good enough. Then again, decipher.

I shall not be ignorant about what happen. But i chose not to believe what I saw. I humiliated you in front of them who had the highest respect for you. I apologize. But any woman would have done that. Then again, I know what it is like to be in that kind of situation. I'm sorry. Its just that You did that too many times and I just feel its unfair to be that another person.

I always believe that its important to be happy, I want to become a woman of values. Not a woman of success. -Successful woman aren't happy sometimes. Heard of the saying, ' When the going gets tough, the tough gets going' ? I suppose I've been trying too hard to be that woman. But not many see through me. (Except a couple or 3..) I tried being patienceand my pretentious acts have been working too well that I've been hurting myself. I didnt know where I was heading and I didnt execute the right reaction for that action. They say, " The opposite of Love, is indifference" - I shall agree to it.( Unless you can prove me wrong)

Honestly, the calignious you tried hard to stay the way it was,but I guess, there's more of me than meets the eye. I wish I didnt have to see it. Its all coming back to me...But Im all cool about it now...Though I was fuming mad and upset..Like I've said before..My anger doesnt last for long.. Because being angry hurts even more... One must sort out his priorities. Think of all the possible consequences.

Result is yours, Then its your responsibilities. Not trying hard to convey excuses. Someone once said to me..Time is constant..Its You who moves and make changes. I shall move faster than before. Probably I was too comfortable with the pace I set, I didnt see the vast changes that has been changing around me. And I am going to avoid the same nitty-gritty mistakes that has happened. I must start learning more.. I shall not point fingers at others. I blame myself. Problems are not materials. Its me. Because Im in it. I am here today where my thoughts have brought me. I need to make more changes..Not for anyone as yet. But for myself..Because, Im always a step closer to my own achievements to make changes for others with each and every passing by..

If I dont live my life to the fullest, Life will live me to the least. Ummi always tells me...Plan with purpose, Prepare with Prayers, Proceed positively and Pursue Persistently.

You,

Start looking for 'yourself'. Before you look for others. Then again why should you. You know I am always around for anyone. I learn to listen, I learn to help. And it all doesn't come easy. Its because I searched for it. Its in me. Its in you too. I always tell them all... When you think things dont go according to your stride, let it go. But retain the experience. It makes one learn how to be even stronger. Dont make setbacks and failures a personal one. Dont break just because of that. Take it as a challenge to improve yourself!...A swallow doesnt make a summer. Then again, Your weakness doesn't make you a failure forever.

Love.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

2009-06-01T04:01:00.002+08:00

:: Them,Loves. ::

(Left to Right: Aini,Faris,ME,Rafi,Naqiah,Rudy,Danielle and Hidayah)

Saturday, May 30th,09

Yew Tee Mc'Cafe.

Sweet.

2009-06-01T02:30:00.002+08:00

I tend to be ignorant about my surroundings.
I wonder why. I'm not being fair to myself.
I'm being ridiculously naive yet optimistic about it. Count myself lucky, Mum is still around.
I was literally laughing out loud about it.
It just so happen she tagged me. and yes..I wanna thank her for it.
Its just that I empathise with her and apparently found myself back at square one where this happened before.
Im sorry love, I suppose you were making changes for a perfect one at the end of the day, but he has to just ripped it all apart I must say..??
Then again...What mess have I got myself into???

I suppose things happens for a valid reason. And I'm aware of the differences and impacts I made in other's life. I dont wanna be that person who others blame for their misfortune but I wanna be that person who makes positive changes in their lives!
Kasihan deh loe. emangnya aq tau sih gmana rasanya. bener. Lagian, aq gak mau jadik orang yang diliat kayak jahat gitu. Kalo bisa, aq mau jadi temen loe.

Travis, Seriously, I'm not angry. But I want you to remember one thing. Dont fall back becasue you feel guilty. Fall back to reminisce but look forward. There is a thousand more reasons why you MUST fall forward.
Yes yes..You'll always be that person I know from how I knew you. But, I simply hate it when things have to take a little turn and all. I'm not saying as if Nina comes in and make the stupid changes or whatsoever. I feel her. Honestly.
Ya..Ya...Here I go. Always putting others first before Me. Hmmm......
Its okay to fall now,then I fall later. Because if I fall later, you wont be there to pick me up ya know?...

Apologies are always forgiven. But I will never forget it all. Because that experience will make me learn and grow. really.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Cinta.

2009-05-31T03:10:00.004+08:00

Aq sm Rafi

AQ nih. Keren deh.

Naqiah sm Aq.

Hidayah sm Danielle.

Faris sm Aini.

(Left ta' right) Aswad,Danielle,Rafi,AKU,Rudy,Reyan

Friday. May 29th'09

Town with Them,Loves.
Street Fest'09. Met up with WDC and Da'Fam
Chilled at the kopitiam after the show and we went back to CCK and chilled with Naqiah.
Laugh at nitty-gritty jokes and yes...they made my day.

Saturday. May 30th'09

Studied at home till late afternoon. Planned to meet Loves at about 1800hrs. I met them at 2000hrs. -Princess kan.
Trus, did mappings at Mc'Cafe Yew Tee and chilled till late. Got home and still blogging till now.
However, aq maunya tidur nih. cape'deh. Esok,belum tau lagik, rencananya apa.

Kisses.

2009-05-26T03:03:00.003+08:00

Today I learnt something new.
Maybe not just one thing...
It just so happen that Aundi coincidentally recapped back what I learnt back then too.

"With effort and positive thinking...It increases the chances of a sweet success"
Well...I somehow believe that, To move forward today,I have to learn to say goodbye to yesterday and remember that I'm unable to build a monument to past problems and simply fall forward.
And my attitude towards failure, determines the altitude after failure.
Lets talk about failure then. When you know that success doesn't come just like that.
Lets learn a new defination of Failure. - We know that in every success, there was failure.

Remove "You" From Failure. Take Actions and Reduce the fear.
Be responsive to setbacks and accept your responsibilities and never let negativity take control of you. Dont just simply give up when you stumble over the setback.
I always ponder, changing myself and my world changes. Learn from a bad experience and make it a good one.

Hmm.. Then again, after the nitty-gritty failures, there will be success.(duh!) But that depends on the committment level one has and the drive to make differences. And if there was any single factor that makes an ultimate success in living, it was your ability to draw the dividends from defects!
-Go figure.

Ouh, Aundi also added that,Winners dont do different things...Winners do things differently!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My pretty people.Sayang.

2009-05-24T23:33:00.004+08:00

Syugah and Me.

Naqiah and Me. Lot1.

Hearts and Aku

KAMI.

Danielle and Aku.

The only rose.

Sunday.
Sentosa.

Pretty. Beautiful.

Its been a long time.

I felt really good about it.

I miss the beach and the sun and the sand.

But I hate it. I dont quite like the feeling. Sticky, Germ-ish.

Yuck!!

We were suppose to meet at 0800hrs but I didnt receive any conformation that morning.

Hence, decision made was to execute the plan on my own.

Then, Danielle texted me saying he was waiting for me at CCK and I made my way there.

We took 188 and met up with Faris and Mr Cupcake joined us a little later.

Left Sentosa approximately at about 1700hrs and Danielle had to rush first because he was booking in at 2000hrs..

Hmmm...

Met Naqiah and Syugs at Lot1 again and it was just me, Love, Naqiah and yugs after Faris left for home and all...

Thus, the fact that Im at home blogging right now, while missing Mr Cupcake and yes of course...school's gonna suck tomorrow.I betcha!...

Tan lines aren't cool..My body's red. eeew.....

Oh Mr Cupcake...

awwwe....hey Mr cupcake...You've been sucha sweetheart..

You have been...Beautiful...

I dont know why..But yeah..At least you love to see me do the things I love.

I love what you wrote on your blog.- have I told you that?

You make beautiful changes.

And yes, I know the differences.

Nevertheless, Im sorry about what happened.

Its just that when I knew of things, I dare not tell you or clarify..Because I believe you were starting anew.

Like I've said, sometimes falling back helps but you cant do that al do time. Because, you'll never know who's up ahead waiting and willing to walk through it all with you.

I just hope you know who. And...

Its been the most ultimate pleasure to make you smile. Its now my duty to do so. I dont want you to feel down. You said you've been feeling down and all, I wonder why?..I told you before I wanna be with you even when you're at the lowest point in life.

I've once said..

Smiling is contagious.

So why not pass mine on?.....

I love you.

have been loving....

Naqiah and syugah...Faris and danielle.

Ya'll never fail to make my day with the cute little laughters and jokes for the day.

I love you people like I've never love. (yes, kakak sayang...)

So, lets do the modified Buddha clap and the sprinkler..

come'on!!

XXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.....- Kisses.

Last One.

2009-05-21T02:15:00.002+08:00

Today..
I went up to Amy and ask her what went wrong and all...
I dont wanna list down the details..
She felt like as if I was hating her.-Im not.
Its just sad enough to know that things were so imbalance and all I wanted to do was make things right.
Poor her. I love you still.Like always.

And yes .Im still here. For whatever reason. I dont want that little crying thingy we had, when we quarrel, we hurt others.

Oh, After school.
Went smoke at one of the forbidden void decks.
haha...and had to entertain little antics from kids way off our league.
Shucks..............
Then again...
I was wondering why I stooped lower to their level. Oh gosh..
ITS SO UNGLAMOROUS!!

Well...
As for You SweatDrops.
I love what you wrote on your blog.
Its beautiful. Thank You darling..
You know..Its taking a turn.
Those little imperfections and flaws becomes the best things on You and yes...I'm contented.
You're my prince charming.

Your absence makes my heart grows fonder.
The reason unto why I love, will remain a secret between me and Him.
I love you...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Tiffany

2009-05-19T23:45:00.005+08:00

Dearest Tiffany.
You know why I lied. To you?
Because you'll just run away if I start to talk.
You know why?..Because you're that little girl who claims to be playing along in a game that you yourself started.
You're horridious.
and Pathetic. I hated it when you started pleading. I should have just kept quiet.
See, now it makes me the bad girl.

I didn't start any game. -You did.
I was just the winning player.
You played pretense, but I was playing it even better.
You should have seen it coming.
Im sorry you didnt.
Look back at your little flaws while you were with Martin.
You spoke of Jude, Alex and who....?-
(Go figure)

Its sad enough how unhappy you are with your pretty life but what's life all about without its imperfection?
You claim to have problems but that problem is You.
I'm sorry. Because you will have to know sooner or later. The fact that you'll come up to me when Im ignoring you,plead me to talk to you.
You diss them who makes things worst and demand hatred to take control. and expect me to give in.
I've been silent about the little things you do just to spite others and I merely empathise with them because of the things you do.
I then realise why should I give in when they're innocent towards me.

You keep rubbing salt to make the wounds inflammed. You keep throwing fuel just so that the fire keeps burning. But you didnt notice that the fire began to sting you although it didnt touch you, because there were those who prevent it from hurting you.
Nevertheless, It has simply been just you who make sure they got burnt.
you'll always say that things are difficult but did you ever notice that there are others who tried so hard to make things simple and easy for you but hey...you degrade little helps from others and you promote self-negativity. Instead of just being reserved as a woman.

I'm sorry if I have hurt you in any sense or any way but my lack of knowledge to understand you have been tiring enough and yes, I admit, it wasnt easy being your friend. I kept giving in. I was at loss.
Why talk now?.. - it serves no purpose anymore.
I assume the changes you claimed you have made is perfect enough and it satisfy you as a person.
I'm not good and perfect myself too. I loved you like any other girlfriend or sister would do.
Your hugs and kisses meant the whole world to me but its just sad that I have to know of things taking a turn.

Tiff, I hope you understand why Im being this way. I hope You do.
Because its not easy putting on pretentious acts just to be mindful of your feelings and everythings else.
As much as I tried not to hust others and you. I got hurt even more.
And I believe one day....You'll attain that beautiful dream you've always dreamt of. But check reality.
Sometimes things dont go according to our stride thats why we must be content and syukur that He still listens and watches over us because of prayers said by those who loves us.

loving you.
xxxxxxxxxxxx

And to You Leanne.
I apologise again should there be any misunderstanding between us. I just followed what my heart says and I believe that things happened for a reason. I was made to learn of things and open my eyes even wider to those nitty-gritty things. I, too, will always love you and acknowledge the fact that I knew of your existence.
Alhamdulilah. I had you as a friend and a sister.
ALhamdulilah. God gave me Tiffany and You and those I met and make little differences in my life.
Whatever it is...Im still around. The girl you knew since January..?
Its been a pretty 6months friendship and 'sisterhood'
I had many great great and sweet memories with ya'll. I'm still looking forward to more of it.

OKay, this sounds like as if I'm leaving ya'll for good....
Im not!..

xxxxxxxxxxxx-kisses.

Saturday through Sunday.

2009-05-18T00:52:00.003+08:00

This picture was taken at approximately 0500hrs....

Rafi and his baby boy, Sheik... at Bencoolen having our tea and coffee.

After our movie.

On our journey to town...in the bus 190.

0800hours, Choa Chu kang Interchange.

Syugs, Naqiah, Faris and Me having Ice Kacang at Lot1's Food Culture.

Naqiah, Faris and Me, Grand Cathay's elevator.

Rafi and Aku.

So the plan made was to meet at 1400hours at Choa Chu Kang, Lot1.
Danielle was early and as usual..I was late. and so was the others.

Some even met us later on that day.

But we managed to catch a movie at the Grand Cathay, off Dhoby Ghaut.

We planned to watch Angels and Demons, But we ended up watching 'Uninvited'

Naqiah, Faris, Danielle, Sheik, Rafi and me. Faris and I started sreaming at certain parts of the movie. That's gonna be the last time. Then again, With them, I dont quite feel it. Don't quite feel the tension and the usual feelings I tend to have.

And so, after the movies, we walked down toward Bencoolen Street and had coffee and teas...

Laugh to all the cute little jokes Faris and Danielle made.
Chilled by the bay at the Esplanade and headed to Mc'Donalds after Danielle and Faris comes back from DXO.

Laughed again all the way till 6 in the morning. Got on 190 and headed home. Was a pretty cold morning and my knees hurt.

Sunday. 1930hours.

I met up with Naqiah, Faris and Syugs.

Danielle for abit, And Rafi had to go before his O.C. comes.

And we stayed for a little bit more and just reminisced that pretty saturday we had.

You know what, sometimes...

its just plainly difficult to just fit in people's hearts and worlds just so that you don't hurt them.

and its alot more difficult when you have to be someone else you're not.

Question is..How and What should you do?

I've been telling myself, 'Don't Lie'

Dont lie to yourself, because it'll make you lie to others too.

As a matter of fact, i have been trying to find solutions to rectify and decipher my stand and priorities.

But the more I acknowledge, the tougher it gets.

Frederick came knocking, and I saw it coming already.

I gave in. I accepted reality.

For the first time.

Lying meant nothing, because I saw what it was like along the way.

I stumbled before and I learned that Im living in a world that there others living in it too.

I demanded changes and followed my expectations. I then see changes.

Im contented with what I have. I am. ALhamdulilah.

And as for you...

you've been the current reason why I'm being the real me.

I will never let anyone take away my priced possession.

I love you.

How? For now.

2009-05-13T23:50:00.005+08:00

( First and foremost...I miss them alot..)

OKay..here's the real Shit.
You people just have to make things so difficult and complicated for me. - Why?
And You people just love to make to go up and down and make things thrilling enough for me but it bores me quite soon.

and You.
Travis came and you just blew your chances away, and here you are making much noises about things and how you mistreat him and stuffs?...

Wake up and seek that flaws you need to straighten out!
I just need you to be the woman in any man's life. Not only that, I dont want to see you wither and see an empty picture ahead. -You know why?..
Because I care.

Im prepared to sacrifice my happiness. Really.

I want to see that valid reason unto why I can sacrifice for you. If I've been making changes in life just to start anew, why cant anybody else?
As much as I dont wanna hurt people,one way or another..I reckon you should start learning too.
I dont wanna hear things and plans of what people have been making or saying just to deal with you.

And You.
I suppose you know I may have hurt you, with words I say, or what others might tell you
Its one of my flaws that I should be straightening out too. What I should be pondering about and tell myself off for the wrong things I did.

I'm imperfect too and I now that very well, I am unsure of my own bearings, henceforth, why I do not mind if any others were to reprimand me.
I need to break myself out of that secular cycle. Then again, I'm not good in self-promoting excersises like cliamed. Honest.
Well...What more can I say.

~I still love ya'll like a sister has always been loving. Always. ~

And as for You.
It is difficult to live a pretty beautiful life with all this pretentious acts just so we don't hurt people.
As long as I'm strong, I pull myself together for this.
But its just way too complicated to actually rely on our own initiatives to just tell each other "I Miss You" or whatsoever.
Damn susah man.
Ya feel me???

Which in other explanatory term, Its like living that ugly life all over again. All over again.
I shall do my personal ponderings pertaining this and I will make sure I will be just fine at the end of the day.
I've always been telling myself that anyway.

Till then, I shall keep ya'll updated and informed should any favourable considerations be made.

Take Care and...

XXXXXXXXXX-

Pasir Ris. And him.

2009-05-09T00:42:00.005+08:00

Thats Grands. The problem with him is he hardly smiles for the camera.
And yes, Mia and I tried to make him smile.

Grams and me.
at least she knows how to.
hahaha....

The best part of it all, The three brothers, was wrecking their birthday gift and yes, Papa
apparently wrapped a brick with tons of newspaper. Surprise!!

The birthday boys and their kakak...

Sofieana, safierul, Sharil and Sharul...

May 7th,2009

went over to mama's place.

for my brother's birthday.

and yes..
cum Mother's day celebration.

How sweet.

Things are just nice and beautiful now. maybe for now.

Insya-Allah.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hari Ini.

2009-05-05T01:03:00.004+08:00

'massage session'

Nanthini and Me.
During LFS lesson,after temperature taking.
Bull-ish.
Nanthini now makin cantik.

Today ein looked like a nurse.
tgh night duty, lagi tulis case report.

Quoshah and me...

I was very bored in class! Really.
I didnt bring anything for LFS.

And so...I didnt attend the next few classes for the day, Mum had chemotherapy and yes...she was all weakened and..ngerti kan?...
Kasihan deh Ummi.
Grams and Grands sleep over.
I went chilling with them.
teehee...My Loves..
Awwee...

Hmm....
Im in love.With Him.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My Thursday through Sunday.

2009-05-01T14:44:00.007+08:00

Its aku and danielle...

having dinner at Far East...

Went home with Rafi and Danielle, and Boy..

In the train..and Rafi smack his cap on me.

Us at plaza Singapura.

By the railings.

That's Arif. And my baby Danielle is there. partially.

Feat. Qudut...Rafi, a.k.a Abu from Kami the Movie and baby Faris!!

Sunday.03-05-09

Im now at home, sitting in front of my PC and im trying to reminisce the memories from thursday till today.
hmm...something amazing happened.
something bad happened too.

Had a little misunderstanding with Quoshah, and yes...i was remorseful with what happen and honestly, she's one the good best friend that Ive ever had. Ever.

Things were perfect afters. We're cool and of course...she's the girl I'll call on to speak pertaining everything.
She had some shits today, and I've yet to see her.
I'll speak to her tomorrow.

I dont have anything much today...
hmm....prolly upload more a little later.

Kisses...
Ouh, whats amazing?....Im in love.

What in the name of..."Weink???"

2009-04-28T03:12:00.002+08:00

Weee....!!!
Kamustaka na?
ako?- Mabuti...selamat.

well well well....
Ahhh...I've heard many many things yar....
Lately...
at school la...outside la...at home also have!

Baba claimed she saw something at home.
Thus, this citing that was claimed wasn't scientifically proven. Nevertheless... I know how she felt.

Outside?...-pretty complicated for once.
Difficult to actually define in any other explanatory terms.
Somehow,Somewhat.

School...?
I will make sure..There will be a day.
I will make that day the most miserable day for that being and I hope that being will really regret knowing of my existence. Period.

Don't try to be nice darling. You're cunning, but I saw through you.- That easily.
Very naive and immature of you.
Then again, I'm wasting the tiniest bit of energy procrastinating you but I swear, You're just a waste of time.
Very hypocritical.

aah...after so long...I have found new beings in life to cherish.
WOW!!!
really...though yet again, being the oldest, except for one or two...
they're beautiful beings...and thank you Quoshah..you brought them to me...

Currently...I'm trying absorb theoretical studies of the refined customer's relations.
Alhamdulilah....manage to...and yes...I'm falling asleep..I'm meeting Quoshah at 0730hrs,Yew Tee MRT..if I'm late...I buy you a drink.

Guten Na'ag.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Meet Us.

2009-04-28T01:09:00.003+08:00

ok...one of the "im-in-the-mood-to-pose" days.

me and my bitching partner...My new Best Buddy..Daniel Bro

WHy.....???

Very quiet and bully-able.

Di tepi jalan.

But wait....There's more...If I upload this..you'll get to read more things.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hmm.What a Saturday!

2009-04-25T14:39:00.001+08:00

Oh yes..
What a Saturday.
Believe it or not.
I'm stuck at home, no plans, nothing.
I thought of going for sheesha?..
Then again my kaki's busy la today.- Brengsek.

Kemarin, went to Cck,Lot1 Qudut's boyfriend had a night's off from camp and its been such a long time I met new people just like that.
Socialising wasnt that bad after all I figured.
Really.
and they went like..."Luqman?"
go figure la.

Okay...recovering a week ago.
I had shits to clear up and somehow, Ive become more confuse than before.
Darn.
I dont know how to put this in words but simple as it goes, I think Im in love with myself all over again and I didnt wish to love another.
why?..
How come things end up like this, dont ask me but damn...its very disturbing...

When Im with me.I feel so so good...better than ever.
But when Im with __ , I feel like Im lying to myself. Living in denial. Pretending to be the old me but in fact Im not.
Dont ask me why. but...there's been many many days I did my own ponderings and all.sit and really thinks to myself what makes me very happy and brings the best out of me...
Just having the rest of everything to myself.
He had asked me why?...
why...why?...
My answers remained.
I just wanna be by myself.
Its not that I dont love you anymore but I'm losing out on all my own good times and the things I should have been doing when Im not with you.
I make myself strong. I give myself the strength I want.
Wake up every morning and say Alhamdulilah that I've woken up this morning to seefor myself what He has in store for me.
Its just the little nitty-gritty things that Ive been missing out on and I wanna find it all by myself...

Anyway...Here's another thing to catch up on.
He's back. from 3 years ago.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Teeheehee...

2009-04-21T23:49:00.000+08:00

And so I met up with Qudut.

She and I must study. Ein couldn't come with us karna dia kerja.

Cika stays very far from us and Nanthini, I suppose Mummy wont allow her...

But never mind...

I was very studious.

Very engrossed in CTR. (oh, just so you know, the abbreviation CTR stands for Customer Relation)

hmmm...somehow, I couldn't stay focus..I don't know why but its just so difficult to make my eyes stay on the lecture notes I was reading.

Please don't ask me why tapi gw bener bener gak tau.

Now, as I'm blogging, I'm still reading my lecture notes and trying to squeeze them inside my god-darn brains.-Let's leave God outta this...

Kasihan deh gw.

"...and i don't wanna miss a thang..."

OK...here's the thing.

Today, I'm in a streak of dilemma.

I enjoy being alone now. I enjoy having all the time in the world to myself.

I miss being me. Not being someone Else's.

I miss spending time by myself.

I enjoyed the companion of Nur Aishah, herself.

Its just me.

Just me.

I know it sounds really crazy but I want it all back and I don't mind letting everything else go just to get 'ME' back.

I don't know the answers to several question when I was probed, the whole idea went like, How am I suppose to love one, when I don't know how to love myself?

Tell me of the beautiful things that I've seen myself attaining?

Have I ever told myself..."you look very cantik..."

Or..."you're the best babe!..."

You may think..."eh...Si Nura ni...giler ke?"

No...I'm not having any sort of disorders with my personality or self-being...(except my obsessive compulsive-ness....)

but I just want to be in love with myself all over again. At least I knoow I won't hurt myself, I won't turn my back against myself.

I wanna go wakeboard, I wanna go ride-dirty..heh...

But now, I need to log off, and study.

ciao!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Allo! Allo!

2009-04-17T14:28:00.002+08:00

Thank Goodness Its Friday!!!- Alhamdulilah

gees...very sucky week..
Avoided smiles, stares, friendly nods and hello's.. -Don't quite know why but I guess that's the way its suppose to be.
but it's okay..(",) -nggak' papa sih.

Grams was rushed to the clinic late last night and doctor said that,
" This is really bad. She's better off at the hospital"- and so we did.
Ambulance came, take her away, and we drove off to Changi General Hospital.
Apparently, she was vomiting and all from noon and Grands said that she did not have anything for her meals.
So, I ask her, "nenek makannya apa sih tadik?"
she answered, "Makan biskuit sama kopi" -biskuit??!!
I replied, " lain kali biskuitnya dikasi sama kucing."

Upon reaching the hospital, she was rushed into the Accident and Emergency department to have herself fully checked and all.
The doctor came out approximately about 2hours later, told Mum and Mama -
"Today diabetes,hyper. Food poisoning. Warded. cannot go home." -how detailed!

And yes, 5 bags of insulin was pumped through her venous. Omeprazole, its a kind of antacid that lowers or neutralises the acid level in our tummy which usually causes gastritis.

And what really bothers the rest of us was, Grands was unusually quiet. I just chit chat with him, hold his hands when we walked, gave him tea to drink. Mama brought him home to her's.
Kasihan sih Grands.

Sabreena wasn't present for school today.
( Ein, Im going to rip your falsies off and swear that you will be paranoid when you see falsies again. -_-) gmana sih lho!

Alright alright..Very lengthy.
Oh and..Emily, I miss you.

Im gonna have a rub-a-dubdub, before I leave for the rumah sakit.
Maunya suruh Abi nraktir makan lho.-teehehehe...

And to that cute little spammer of mine. I knew it!
I knew I dont know you.
Kalo gw tau, mati loe!

okok...I suppose this is the end of part 1.
Speak soon..
xxxxxxxx

Guten taag!

2009-04-11T02:35:00.002+08:00

hello hello....

hmmm....its been a tiring tiring week.....
i dont know why but...yeah....

Im currently revising my training notes..."Introduction to Tourism Industry"
its scary as this week get closer to next...Edward will be giving us a test on it.
My level-mates are my competitors. And I'm very competitive.

Its ironically thrilling...really...haha...adrenaline rush....
you know, the feeling when you wait for your papers to be returned...Gerek tau...Tension...

okok...honestly...
I really dont have the concrete idea unto why im actually blogging.
yet...
haiz...yeah..okok...will prolly blog a little later today...Im very very sleepy...

My little Prayer.

2009-04-06T02:52:00.001+08:00

Dear God,
I said a silent prayer today.
And I hope that you did hear it.
The prayer was short and simple,
But its not for me..its for....

The world is changing too fast.
And evils and ills are catching up.
I wonder how he will survive in such a place.
So I hope you will be there,
Just in case.

I had given him an advice,
It seemed only yesterday.
When he was with me,
In the safe haven of a home.
Acquiring line and concern,
To be a better man.

I hope I have given him all that he needed to know.
To better understand the reason why I am here..

Dear God,
I wish that someday he knows
How much he means a lot and how important he is to me.
Nevertheless I have yet to thank You for listening even if you were
Not responding...

As I grow to be a better individual.
I will not neglect the little, nitty-gritty prayers I used to recite.
Though, my prayers are not for me but at least I remembered you,
To give me a little space in your big list of hearts and prayers to attend to
Lastly, shower him and his loved ones with all Your blessings.
And guide him through life’s hurdles with ease, no difficulties

Simplicity makes me Happy.

2009-04-06T01:25:00.000+08:00

:: Si GooMok & Aku ::

:: Sharul ::

:: Ummi & Abi ::

:: Sharil ::

:: Us with Grams ::

:: My Mama & Me ::

:: Mia, Me, Baba ::

see.....very simple.

makes me happy..

what about you?...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Im still Loving you.

2009-04-05T22:31:00.000+08:00

Days passed..
clock still ticks...
ticking away...
getting comfortable-yet not too comfortable...

Because,all those wounds are just healing. And I know that there's still a beat,somehow...
The strength I've accumulated,equates too how much I can take things positively and also put on a strong front; in order to be the pillar for myself,and them...
I wish I was the backbone,for those in need. Especially Her who see me through all this years. Her instinct to protect revives me. Thus, on which I acknowledge to know Im never alone throughout any ordeal. Her thoughts on me,my whereabouts,safety,welfare rings-a-bell; I have a Mother and she is here with me.

"Hey Dad!" I would say. "Look at me..Im soaring!" I'll exclaim.
I want Him who correct me when Im unaware of the wrong,to see the potential I have to be with him,holding his hand and walking with him when he is at his lowest peak in life..
His instinct to guide,show me the path which i was once, led astray by some whom I will never want to reminisce....
I then understand WHY you react that way-which then I understand that no matter how much others tend to listen,they'll pass it off,maybe because they think its never important to heed.because...
They're unaware of whats around them and who awaits them at the finishing line...think about it?..

When you are at the lowest peak in life,who will be able to help you?...
who's gonna be there for you and adhere to your needs?
who will be the backbone to keep pushing you to the very end and make you see the consequences you'll face at the end of the day due to your selfish-ness and your ignorance!

Well...I know who they are,I know their back wont face me in time to come.Because they have been pushing me to wake up and see the world! see what evil and ills does the world have.in time to come..when I depart,I know...
They'll miss me.
Because I miss them when they're not in sight.
Even for awhile.

I love you.

Hello. Im not Kate.

2009-04-05T21:40:00.000+08:00

Hello.

Self-introduction is not necessary I presume.

Besides if you know me, then you know me.

Well,being me is difficult. why? -Because I do not copy. I wanna be ME. The Great ME; whom is appreciated by many,worthy of sincere love,a thousand words of not discriminating yet thy critics are lesson learnt.uphold personal believes in self-proclaimed phrases and also motto..to make sure I listen to my own heart beat and not wither..

Very defiant-You defy against your needs,you defy against what doesnt comes in your way.Well...I defy what i think its not true,What needs immediate justification.

Based on other things; Im not quite sure of the littlest details to say but really...I just cant stand those nitty-gritty stuffs people always enquire.

"hello,get your own dictionary to look into??"- macam no other questions to ask...???

Tanya la,ermm..duit jajan banyak tak dapat hari nih...

or maybe..tadi classmate makan ape for recess...?

okok.....quit it..

Readers,You rock!

::Discuss This::

2009-04-05T21:36:00.000+08:00

Is appearing literary that important?
bigotry? hypocrisy?
why?..you cant let go of things that you've already let go?
...you keep chasing for things that in the end...
Denial squirms you into falsified truths.why?..
why do you keep running,when Others see nothing ahead of you,yet you claim there is?..
Are you sleeping off your guilt?
Guilt of how you think that when there's truth,there's you?..
Wake up and understand situations. Listen and not to hear,because can the undone be willed?

I hate to speak hypothetically,but i believe in "no-pretence", nevertheless; To Be Direct.
We live in a world of Rage,Jealousy,Indifference.
We are to Savour Foul Tasting Remnants,so much blinded and perverted to a sweeter fruit..?
But will many accept the way an individual is? What they have become, or What they will become?...
Will many see the negativities and shuts off the will to learn to excel as a better individual?..Will You, see the difference in Yourselves and ask,who's perfect?..

I'd say....." No One Knows..." "No One Knows"....