Binge eating on vanilla ice-cream and drinking a whole lot of green tea and water. And smoking.
Food did not cross my mind. As long as cigarettes are available.
Shit...very disturbing though.
However, I presume that this ongoing activities of mine is not affecting any losers out there who will go around telling people Ayesha is sick. Well, I don't need you to decide.
I am preparing myself for payday, a couple of debts to clear for the carton of faggs I have ordered, apparently finish smoking them all. And also to the kind soul who decided to help me out with a $5 note to keep me going(You are so sweet baby-brother), and also someone I am indebted to with regards to Transfer Factor and also Mum and Dad's monthly allowance. And a long list of things I must get before Hari Raya which I am not expecting. Gawd..this is driving me insane. Literally.
I am not being calculative but it seems that their existence is like a reminder to me that
"hey, I'm still here so please don't forget."
Believe it or not, I am very happy with what I will be getting on the 8Th of September. Then I will shut my phone off and make sure no one goes around looking for me. (Hahah...aku tahu motive korang.)
and also... Happy Birthday Ahmad!
A tad too late but many happy returns brother!
I have been feeling kind of disturbed lately pertaining many things and I shall not list the examples. I will just keep going and if you think you get the gist of it, good for you. If not, read again.
Mummy has been rather silent lately and she just wouldn't wanna talk to any of us. She just goes around smashing and slamming things and I will be the one who'll start yelling. My patience has been tested and I am controlling myself because anger will change the heart, I don't want to have the thought of moving out and stay with Stan, for I know this beautiful house of mine will not be cleaned. (Aku ni ibaratkan filipino maid.)
They take advantage of my obsessive-compulsive-ness. They know I will clean the house everyday and ensure not a strand of hair or even dust on the floor. Ask them at home and you'll know.
I have been picking up pieces where I've left them and then suddenly someone, no, a couple of them came along.
Its not been easy going through a very difficult status back then because I can count the "no-quarrel" days with only one hand.
And I do not wish to go through it again. Like I've said before, I am still making corrections about the mistake I did. Then again, nothing is perfect thats why we must learn to love imperfect things perfectly.
It was character that got me out of bed, commitment that moved me into action, and discipline that enabled me to follow through. I am here today where my past have brought me. Believe it or not. It wasn't a fun thing.
Then again, Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is to raise your standards. When people ask me what really changed my life, I tell them that absolutely the most important thing was changing what I demanded of myself. I wrote down all the things I would no longer accept in my life, all the things I would no longer tolerate, and all the things that I aspired to becoming.
And I am still doing it.
I would agree with what Bruce Lee said..
"If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them"
Don't you?
Because its just is.
If I was going to put a limit to being happy, working at the bar, going for ballet classes and even being present for school(even if it meant sitting for exam modules which I didn't study for.) wont be a happy trip! It'll be the worse days of my life!
If I was going to put a limit to live, I will be missing out ALOT in life! Don't you think so?
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
In layman's term...The greatest insanity in life is doing the same thing everyday hoping it will make a difference.
(Orang melayu cakap, bila mau game beb!)
But...I am happy being at ballet and being at the bar, I hate sitting behind the desk rotting. Being at the bar makes me meet many new people everyday. Being at ballet, makes me learn new routines that will make other people go.."WHOA!" hahah..it will change my life, trust me.~
Okay. Enough.
Get the picture? I hope so. You people are educated, You're able to read.
This may not be an interesting entree to some like (ya'll know who ya'll are.) but at least read and understand the question that goes..."What The Fuck Have You Been Doing?"
(Hahaha...I am so mean.)
Before I end this pondering of mine...PAYDAY IS HERE!
woot!!woot!!
I am proud of me.
Xx
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